continues....

Spoo-Key paced his quarters with a worried expression on his face. The battle so far had gone badly with not an explanation to be found. Entire battlefleets had been lost with not a word or a single survivor to explain what had happened. The Dane Generals had egg on their faces and no mistake. The Dane empire had been whittled away to little more than their home system. Something had to be done and done quickly. The Great Dane had ordered a tactical strike on the Tomatari supply world of cocktail umbrellas but Spoo-Key was not at ease with this plan. It seemed to simple, to obvious a target, to much like a trap. This could be a slaughter with the Dane’s on the side of the brown trousers and wet hankies. "Excellent!" Cried Spoo-Key as he ordered the attack. "Now, where didn’t I put those imaginary intelligence files?"

The Dane battle fleet left the comfort of hyperspace outside the system of Cheapcrap. Before them sat the supply world and the entire Tomatari supply of cocktail umbrellas. At their mercy stood the bar supplies of an entire race and wet was the eye of many a Dane at the prospect of the slaughter about to begin. Wave after wave of Woog fighters left the gaping docking bays of each and every capital ship. Each steering a dead (funny that, not now but later) straight course to the supply world.

General Tar-Get ordered the warm up of their Primary Weapon ™. The Flag ship of the Dane fleet shuddered as the Primary Weapon ™ made the noise we all know and dread, ‘err-err-err-err-err.’ "Damn thing always doesn’t start on cold days," thought General Tar-Get. A sweating Ensign Dane quickly pulled out the choke and eventually the Primary Weapon ™ started up with the deep ‘thrum’ of a really dangerous weapon. The Dane Ensign wiped his brow as the last time he was in battle he got a little eager with the magnetic accelerator and accidentally flooded the Primary Weapon ™, they ended up circling the rebel base three times before they got the darn thing working right. Embarrassing that, kept having to reset the countdown to look really dramatic and not just tedious. Behind the General a Dane warrior, Unluc-Key, suited up in one meter thick asbestos armour (like that plastic armour but it actually works a little bit) and sulked his way to his battle position. Unluc-key is that person who gets to stand in the Primary Weapon ™ firing tunnel and gets to light the torch paper. ((Remember that Stormtrooper who you always saw ducking when they fired the Deathstar’s penis extension? This is the guy with the same job)) Unluc-Key was sort of proud of his job but he is also the only Dane Warrior with no facial hair. "There must be easier ways of making a living?" Wondered Unluc-Key.

This is where the battleplan not only went a little wrong but went so wrong as to not make a right but to be the first instance of an anti-right being formed. This anti-right was to have disastrous effects on the entire Dane race. Unfortunate but them are the breaks in cutting edge Sci-fi. Get over it, I have.

In front of the Dane fleet space warped in a way never seen before except by the very drunk. This space warp can be compared to a drunk person trying to get a door key into a front door lock where they know it’s exact location to the electron and yet still miss. This warp has been seen before by those who know what it is like to walk home after a ‘quiet one’ and finding the footpath washing up and down, why else would you be meandering from side to side like that? This warp can also be compared with the strange feeling of one’s room rotating around the axis of your bed every time you try to lay down. Space does weird things sometimes.

But back to the story, from out of this space warp mentioned in detail above came the likes of which no Dane in two thousand years has seen and lived with clean trousers to tell about. Giant gray Chicken like starships entered our universe from the a place too horrible to narrate. Each ship flipped up onto its side and an orifice opened up, releasing an egg shaped projectile. General Tar-Get took a vote with a show of hands and his crew fully supported his motion that he was nauseated by this sight. The gag reflex cost the Dane fleet valuable seconds, seconds in which they may have had time to have a good cup of coffee to settle their nerves. But they didn’t so they died.

The egg projectiles shattered up into a vast number of individual little chicken things, each attacked a Dane Woog fighter before anyone had time to feel faintly embarrassed by the smell coming from their cockpits. With the fighter screen thoroughly scrambled the little chickens attacked the Dane capital ships. General Tar-Get ordered the firing of each ships Primary Weapon ™ at a single giant Chocobo. Across the fleet the numerous ‘Unluc-Key’ Dane’s sparked their matches across the wall of the tunnels and ducked for sheer life. Bright blue beams of pure energy scythed across the depths of space and joined together to strike one Chocobo. These beams struck the starship across what would have been the neck of the chicken. With a roar of ‘Thank God we’re doing something other then dying" the Dane’s gave an Evil-gleam ™ as the head was blasted off the Chocobo. With such terminal damage done to the ship it had no other alternative but to rampage across the star system like a toddler in a sandpit faced with an ice-cream at each corner. More Dane’s met their death at the hands of this opponent as any other before. General Target looked to his troops and said "Who would have guessed that was going to happen?" Eventually the headless chicken stopped and vanished into the depths of hyperspace.

The Dane’s were losing the battle and it didn’t take a tactical genius to work it out. General Target ordered the retreat and each ship tried to enter Hyperspace and refuge and from the carnage. Each ship charged up it’s mighty hyperspace Jumpgate opener’s and each ship met the same fate, "beep….beep….beep….beep." "An engaged signal, who’d have thought?" Said General Tar-Get as his flagship was kebabed by that Earl-Gray beam weapon we all know and love. With the entire Dane fleet roasted well and truly the Earl-Grays vanished in the same manner as they arrived. The Tomatari supply world was safe and the Dane home system was open for attack.

Ambassador Spoo-Key read the reports a few days later on Badgerlon 5. "Clucking bell," said he due to the close proximity of Parridan. "We’re ‘trucked’ now."

Interlude to the Tomatari attack on the Dane Homeworld : Haggbo stood at the French windows of his flagship as the Tomatari fleet flamed the world below. Untold numbers died as the Dane’s couldn’t put up a credible defense to this outlawed method of attack. With no hope of survival the Great Dane surrendered and the war was over.

______________________________________________________________________________ Appendix to part Seven.

What GariBeardy saw : The big pink and fluffy Haggbo moved sideways as the giant Easter bunny leapt out of that nice Ambassadors bathrobe. "Oooh, isn’t he cute?" thought GariBeardy, quickly scraping the bugs off his arms. GariBeardy moved to the side as the fluffy Easter bunny gave that strange clock on the side of that big oven a cuddle. GariBeardy asked the opinion of the naked Indian next to him and the pink elephants but they didn’t know what was going on either. "Drink me!" Cried his hipflask.

"No, I can’t, I shouldn’t, I’m on duty," responded GariBeardy.

"Just a mouthful, you know you want to," cajoled the hipflask.

"No, I mustn’t," mumbled GariBeardy as he undid the lid and drank half the contents. "I won’t tell if you don’t?" Smiled GariBeardy to his hipflask.

One of the cuter races on the station are the Bimbarri. Bimbarri seem to be approximately 1.5 meters tall and generally around 50 kg. The entire race seems to be 80% female but intelligence reports indicate the Bimbarri males are generally kept close to the home system as other races beat the crap out of them due to the males being so wimpy. The males generally belong to the Hairdresser Caste or the Interior Decorator caste but this is not always the case.

The Bimbarri were heavily influenced by radio transmissions from the Earth of the late 20th century. In particular the 60's and late 70's television. This can be easily seen by the Bimbarri fascination with being bald (Kojack) and the wearing of dresses (even the men, particularly the men actually.) The influence of the 60's has meant that the Bimbarri don't go easy to war but will attempt group therapy before attacking another race, even in self-defense. Many an interstellar conflict has been halted by a timely group hug and leader's huggle.

The Bimbarri culture is ruled by a strict religious orientation who revolves around a number of different castes. The warriors are represented by the Huggling Caste while the scientists are represented by the Couch Potato Caste. Among the others are the Hairdressers Caste, Interior Decorator Caste and the Looking Good in Evening Wear Caste.

The Bimbarri encountered humanity in one vast cock up. War broke out immediately and the Earth forces got well and truly spanked before a fragile peace could be introduced.

Now the two races are allies in the horrible war against the Earl-Greys. Together they stand and divided they sit by the telephone getting grumpy as 'he promised he would call!'

Geography :

The Bimbarri come from a world circling a 'Yummy!' class sun. The system has a number of inhabited planets but the original home world of the Bimbarri is known as MiniBar. Here on MiniBar can be found the seats of government and just the greatest malls. Due to the success of the Hippy Caste all industry is operated off world on another planet in the system.

The main centers of resource gathering are on the two worlds neighboring MiniBar. The first is where all the Bimbarri agriculture is found. This planet 'SaladBar', is ruled by the Sheep Bothering Caste. Minerals and ores are taken from the next planet in the system called IronBar and is operated by the Hard Hat Caste.

The mighty navies of the Bimbarri people are constructed on the planet CrowBar with it's orbiting moon, TowBar, which holds the salvage yards. As can be seen the Huggling Caste is responsible for this world.

What is life without a little bit of fun? Ask the Bimbarri. The recreation planet, SinglesBar, is where all the Bimbarri go to unwind a little. This planet I operated by the Leisure Suit Caste who are responsible for the vast space port on it's moon called CockTail-Bar.

Even the best of races have their dissenters. The Bimbarri have a re-education facility on the planet of IsoBar. Here the Couch Potato Caste attempts to remove the evil vapors and return the individual to society.

To help them fight the good battle the Bimbarri have a number of orbiting stores worlds. The place where they keep the good alcohol is known as WineBar and the place where the coffee is kept is known as ChocBar. These places are operated by the Home shopping Caste.

To help the two races understand each other there is a Bimbarri/Human colony in the Terran solar system. It can be found on the systems fourth planet and is known as MarsBar.

The greatest problem with any relationship between two such dissimilar races is understanding. The Bimbarri were the first to join with the Terrans in building the Badgerlon stations. GariBeardy himself has gone to great pains to get to know the Bimbarri ambassador 'in the biblical' sense. These great pains generally involve the raising of a knee in a sensitive spot and a slap on the face.

Parridan paced up and down outside the Customs side of the docking bay. She was waiting for the arrival of important emissaries from Earth. Beside stood the motionless figure of Dyer Traktorfaktory, the SighCorp representative. Just to the side could be seen GariBeardy trying to convince travelers that their dutyfree must be quarantined before they could enter the station. She let him continue as at least this time he wasn’t trying to pretend he was a sniffer dog. Nasty mess the last time he did that, especially when that Doberman thought GariBeardy looked kind of cute and wanted him to know it.

Eventually the shuttle docked and the two government representatives entered the station. The first was a gentleman of medium height while the second appeared to be a monkey. Parridan blinked and looked back but this time the second gentleman looked like a man of few years and not a monkey. ‘I need to rest more,’ thought Parridan to her self.

"Greetings Captain Parridan. My name is Alex and this is Petey, we’re from the Ministry of Pieces," introduced Alex.

"Ministry of Pieces?" Asked GariBeardy.

"Yes, we’re the department that takes care all the stuff that the other ministries can’t be bothered with. I am here to examine the war between the Danes and the Tomatari while my companion here is from a newly formed organisation called NightLight," continued Alex.

"That is true Captain. If I may I’d like to organise a meeting with some of your station personal at some point in the future?" Asked Petey.

"Certainly Petey but what does NightLight actually do?" Asked Parridan.

"What with all these nasty wars and all the people are frightened of just about everything. We in NightLight will be around to convince them that their fears are unfounded. Some of our operatives will tuck them into bed at night while others will sleep in their cupboards and under their beds to help them realise that the Bogeyman is not out to get them," said Petey.

"The Bogeyman! No!" Shouted GariBeardy as he ran away into the crowd. "Run, run all of you! The Bogeyman is about!"

Parridan sighed as her Security Chief nearly causes a riot in his attempt to escape. "If you’re always going to watching out for people wouldn’t this mean you’ll always be spying on them during their moments of weakness?"

Petey suddenly developed a cold sweat after this question. "It may look this way to outsides but we in NightLight wouldn’t dream of such a thing I assure you," said Petey.

Only Ambassador Badger, who was standing in the bushes, saw Petey cross his fingers. That’s the problem with having no knees you can’t sit down. At that moment Dr Mordred walked past the threesome. As he walked past his hands flicked out in a complicated series of gestures which to the ignorant would have seen like he was brushing away insects. Parridan had seen GariBeardy do such a thing a number of times before. As soon as the Dr was finished Alex responded with an even more impressive series of gestures. This went back and forth a number of times before the Dr nodded at Alex and went on his way. Alex smiled at Parridan as if nothing had happened and bent down to pick up the money passers by had thrown at him thinking he was a mime artist or a juggler of really small things.

Later on Parridan was back in her office reviewing the days events. A report was flagged for her attention on her desk. Picking it up she politely thanked the ensign who was waving the flag and watched him leave her office. It was a requisition from supply for a number of videos Ambassador Badger was interested in. Wondering why someone wanted her to see this see examined the titles of the videos and found them to be nothing then late 20th century science fiction. Upon a closer look she saw a correlation between the title and this bought a shudder. "Dalek invasion of the Earth, Invasion of the body snatchers, V, Independence Day, The day time stood still, hmmmmmmm. I don’t like the look at that. GariBeardy, get in here," said Parridan.

GariBeardy walked in, more side ways then forwards but that’s better then nothing. "What do you make of this?" Asked Parridan. "Notice anything usual with Ambassador Badger these days?"

"Nothing much boss, he just seems to watch old movies sometimes Oh and he keeps calling me puny earthling every now and again." Replied GariBeardy.

There was a beep from the door as a visitor announced themselves. After unlocking the door Parridan let De-Hanna and her assistant ME enter her office. De-Hanna gave Parridan and GariBeardy a quick welcome huggle™ . ME walked into the room until the light flashed off Parridan’s rank insignia. ME stopped dead in her tracks and smiled at the shinny . She rocked back and forth making the light flash over and over again. De-Hanna just smiled weakly and continued.

"We will soon have some real peachy visitors to the station. They’re an old order from Earth who have strong powers. They have mastered the arcane and are willing to share the knowledge with us. These Technomages will be here shortly," explained De-Hanna. "I suggest we go meet them."

On the way back to the docking bay ME walked past Ambassador Badger who’d been playing racket ball. As soon as ME saw the Ambassador she leapt into De-Hanna’s arms and whimpered "Fuzzy!" De-Hanna tried her best to comfort her but ME only calmed down after Ambassador Badger had wheeled himself away from the girl. At the docking bay a large black ship was making its entrance. After a few minutes one passenger disembarked from the vessel and made her way to the Captain and group. The passenger was dressed in a dark black cloak that only accented her auburn hair. On her shoulder sat a bird lost to Earth but which was once known as a raven. She walked majestically to the group and bowed.

"My name is Day and we are the Technomages," she said.

"I thought there was going to be more of you?" stammered De-Hanna.

"We are all here," replied Day.

Parridan massaged her temples and muttered to herself "Oh here we go, another nutcase. I must have really upset some one in a past life."

The station spins with a new sunrise making it's way over the planet. The camera focuses on a view port in the stations outer hull and zooms in. The view quickly goes past the view port and into the room on the other side. Inside all is in shadow and pipes release steam as they always seem to do in television programs. The camera finally stops moving and in the center of the view comes Garibeardy, around a pile of badly designed plastic boxes they only seem use in science fiction programs. He looks wounded and his shirt is caked with blood. He staggers around the corner again, now completing a full circle around the crates.

"Come back, I won't hurt you. it's for the better for both of us you know!" Said Garibeardy is a tone of voice as much a groan as a whine as a plea. "Always suspected this would happen some day, bound to happen. Should have given into the blackmail, shouldn't have argued so much," grumbled the security chief.

Behind him came the unmistakable sound of a hand weapon being readied for action. Given the fact that these weapons have more to do with physics then with the projectile acceleration of a bullet one kind of wonders how this sound is produced as there are no moving parts to make it? The answer is simple and can be seen as a pair of loud speakers on the side of every energy weapon. These are connected to a clever little sound generator that evidently makes the 'cha-chak' noise we all know and love. But anyway.......

Garibeardy spun around and his eyes widened in fear and then acknowledgment. "So it's come to this," mumbles Garibeardy in resignation. A shot rings out and Garibeardy spins around and falls to the floor. A trickle of blood streams from his body and pools beside his still form.

Parridan looked out her window at the stars outside. Lazily making its may across the depths of space was a maintenance bot, slowly Macarena'ing its way to an open port somewhere. After seeing the same bot jetting like an Egyptian on the return journey she decided it was time to have a long talk with some one in the control room about boredom relief.

Parridan looked over her appointment diary for the day. First up was an official complaint from De-Hanna about her letting Ambassador Badger take the 'White and Two Sugar's' out for take away pizza the other night. 'Hah!' Thought Parridan, 'it was a different matter when it was De-Hanna who had a craving for double chocolate mousse the other night and just wanted to borrow the ship for a little while.'

That can wait, she thought. Next up was a meeting with Garibeardy and a new member of a recently found race. These people had been on the station for a little while now but no-one had really thought about who they were? Seems they hitched a ride from a passing Warship and have been on the station ever since. After a few minutes Garibeardy and the new comer entered her office. It was a tall grey thing with tentacles on it's face. It bowed at Parridan but she became quickly suspicious that this new comer wasn't being courteous but rather just trying to look down her blouse. Straightening up with a frown, she gets enough of that sort of thing from Ambassador Badger, she had to be prompted from Garibeardy on the creatures name.

"It's a fiend Captain," replied Garibeardy.

"A Fiend?" Questioned Parridan.

"No ma'am, a fiend. The 'f' is a silent capital. They get horribly offended if you pronounce it wrong in public," said Garibeardy.

Parridan's eyes glazed over as her imagination took control. She imagined a better time where strange aliens didn't run around the place with silly names or strange bits of polyurethane on their foreheads. A time where every one had sensible hair and didn't look like they had a shoe brush glued to their heads. She dreamed that she was waving good-bye to Garibeardy and he waved back.....as he was ejected from the airlock into open space. As her eyes came back into focus she mumbled 'boom' to herself and chuckled at Garibeardy. As the fiend looked at her Parridan couldn't get the thought of pony harnesses out of her mind. The fiend winked at her and smiled.

"Anything else I should know about this guy Garibeardy?" Asked Parridan.

"Seems Mr Mordred is taking the fiend to the Council of Aligned Worlds. Mr Mordred has a signed monopoly agreement with SighCorp to be the only corrupter of metal health on board this station. This fiend is, and I quote 'pushing in on my turf' unquote. Could be a rough one as even the Tomatari are joining behind this Mordred guy," explained Garibeardy.

"I'll see what I can do to stall them, nothing better then giving SighCorp a hard time," smiled Parridan.

As soon as they left Alikus Cole, the Deranger representative stepped out from behind a pot plant. "We have a serious problem Captain. some-one has let a cat loose in the station's artificial gravity generators.

Parridan winced as she heard this. As can be seen from all those tasteful outside the station panoramic views we get so much of these days the station's gravity is supplied by spinning the hull of the station around it's axis. What isn't known to many people is that most of the stations' power goes into the vast number of vending machines found around the place. As such very little can be spared for anything else, let alone the wasteful task of spinning the station like an old fashioned LP record. The way around this is to use an unbelievable number of rodents, all running in the same direction, to spin the hull of the station. With a cat down there the damage could soon be irreparable.

"Leave it to me, I'll get one of my sort of best people on the job," said Parridan as she activated her comlink.

After another tasteful shot of the station doing the spinning thing with a shuttle landing in the forward bay we return to a corridor somewhere 'down below.' Garibeardy stood with a number of his people getting ready to locate the intruder. They were dressed in the next best thing to power armour and were carrying weapons that go way beyond the category of 'heavy' and haven't seen the light of day since the second Aliens movie. "No!" Said Parridan. Garibeardy removed the heavy weapons and drew his sidearm. "No!" Said Parridan again. "It's a cat you moron not a lawyer. You won't need to obliterate it's every molecule to kill it. I want it captured alive and no unnecessary damage to the artificial gravity systems. In fact there is to be no necessary damage either. Do you understand?" Asked Parridan. As Garibeardy and the security people nodded sulkily Parridan had all the items of equipment that could possibly harm a cat removed and replaced the weapons with a fresh fish, a cat cage (cushioned) and some milk (non fat.) "Right kids, go to it."

Garibeardy led the way further and further down below. They went down a number of stairs and past many a spinning fan with a light behind it. Soon the stairs became more and more creaky until even the most stern observer started to doubt they were made of metal. After journeying for an hour or more Garibeardy looked around himself in surprise. This far below the usual decks of the station with the spinning fans with lights behind them the usual sleek metal walls (except for all those pipes necessary to engineering services) were replaced with cold stone. Running his hand against the walls Garibeardy shivered as water dripped down his arm. As they were losing the light one of the security people took a burning torch off the wall and led the way further down. Was that the rattle of chains and where the hell did all these cobwebs come from?

Parridan sighed as she slowly worked away the day. Next came the latest diplomatic party to come from Mini-Bar. A group of entertainers were making their way to Earth to study under the Grandmaster Spelling. Parridan hadn't heard from this particular Caste before and was interested in meeting them. The two leaders of the entertainers came forward and bowed before Parridan. One was female but the other was a Bimbarri male.

"Greetings upon you Captain Parridan," said Bren-Da.

"Greetings upon this station as well," said the twin Bran-Don.

Returning the greetings Parridan looked down onto the meeting brief and saw that this party was from the sect of film makers, a part of the larger entertainment Caste, Caste N'Crew, on Mini-Bar. After exchanging pleasantries with the Bimbarri Parridan was left with one last impression, 'What a bitch.'

Wandering the station as part of her usual lunch time exercise Parridan noticed a large number of people all wearing the same black arm band. As it wasn't a memorial day for anyone she could remember she approached a shop keeper and asked what they were. Before the frightened shop keeper could answer her Petey, from NightLight, appeared by her side and led her away. On his arm was another of these arm bands. When she looked closely at it while Petey talked at her she saw that the design on the front was of three monkeys. one was covering it's eyes, another was covering it's ears instead and the final one was covering it's mouth.

"Ah you've noticed the armbands I see. Yes that is the symbol of NightLight. You see we don't want people to see what we know really isn't there, we don't want people to hear what really isn't been said and the last thing we want is people talking about what we really know isn't to be talked about. The arm bands are just a reminder for people to stay calm. Did I mention that each arm band contains a listening device and camera?" Asked Petey.

"No, you didn't," said Parridan as she suddenly started to pay more attention to the conversation.

"Just as well, I've got to stop doing that," said Petey as he mopped his brow of spontaneous sweat. "Banana?" Offered Petey as he rapidly changed the subject.

Returning to her office Parridan relaxed into the comfort of her chairs fluffy cover. It seemed to embrace her as she rested against it. It was a gift from Day, one of the TechnoMages who had arrived recently. The only unsettling thing was the way the wool seemed to whisper at her sometimes in the quiet. 'Power is good,' it'll seem to say. 'More power is better, certain friends can help you gain more power. Just ask and the favour can be yours. What is a boon between friends?' Looking down on the label Parridan wondered what 'TremereWear' is?

De-Hanna looked at herself in the mirror as she adjusted her hair. Swishing it this way and the other she couldn't decide on how to wear it today. Usually her assistant ME would help her but today ME was sitting in the corner playing with the hair clips and giggling to herself. De-Hanna often wondered what she ever did to get an assistant like ME, must have been pretty darn good as all the other Ambassadors have boring assistants and hers is so much fun! De-Hanna sighed to herself and liked the way it looked in the mirror. She sighed again to see if she always looked that great when she sighed. Really getting interested in the idea she then coughed and saw she looked even better doing that. After a while she had exhausted many of the possible expressions she could do and settled on perfecting the sigh, the nose wrinkle, the little tear out of one eye and her all time favourite the sulk. What a great day this had been.

Ambassador Badger sat in his quarters. Steam billowed from every direction. only on close examination can it be seen that this steam isn't some sort of fancy alien atmosphere but really the result of the many percolators arranged around the room. The Perklon was still in his environmental peculator but over the helmet could be seen a number of thin wires and a small pad over where a human would have it's ears. The trained observer would have noticed the Ambassadors foot tapping along with the beat. As Badger took off the head phones his telepath assistant walked through the steam clouds. Nightshade coughed as he waved the steam away from her nose. "All this moisture is hell on my hair you know?" she told the Ambassador

"I have need of you," said the Ambassador in the usual booming snuffle.

Nightshade sighed and reached over for the container of chocolate covered coffee beans and the pony harness.

"No, not that. Not that yet. You will take this message back to the HomeWorld." Said the Ambassador.

As Nightshade left the room she mumbled "He never says please, bastard."

Ambassador Badger chuckled to himself at the distress of his assistant. As the only human to ever see the Perklon HomeWorld and survive she was lucky to have a part in this extended story at all. He just wished she wouldn't wiggle like that near him, it's hard to maintain that superior being image if you're dribbling into your suit and a wolf whistle is hell on earth to the speakers in this thing. A nice coffee to settle the nerves is just the thing I need right now, thought Ambassador Badger to himself.

Parridan was there when the wide eyed Garibeardy and even wider eyed security team returned from 'down below.' They were covered in dust, cobwebs and singed by fire. One of the security people was carrying a sack of gold, copper pieces, a leather helm, a pike (long pole not the fish) and some boots she kept muttering were cursed. In the arms of Garibeardy was a slightly pissed off cat which hissed at every one but Parridan. In her arms it went to sleep with a purr, much to the disgust of Garibeardy. The cat weighed at least 10 kilos and was beach ball shaped due to the number of rodents it had eaten before.

"I haven't noticed any gravity changes Garibeardy, well done" said Parridan.

Garibeardy smiled and made a point of not telling her about the two missing members of his team who are now running the treadmill with the rodents, replacements for those that fell in the line of duty. Walking away for a shower Garibeardy muttered something about 'there be dragons in them there hulls.'

Parridan woke to the sound of her comlink blearing into her ear. She eventually gathered up enough courage to climb out of the pile of trench coats and answer it. Like most people she doesn't regain the power of speech until after a refreshing cup of coffee or two so her opening comments were less then informative.

"Hurrrrgh?" She asked to the caller.

"We've got an emergency Captain. it seems someone has tried to murder Garibeardy!" Shouted the nameless operations technician.

"Huuuughlys blurgle?" Asked the Captain.

"No, he's still alive but in critical condition at the moment. Doctor Cynic is working on him now," answered the same technician.

"Durhh", replied Parridan. ('Damn' for those who aren't up to date with Morning-speak.)

Parridan rapidly dressed and rushed out to the medical center. She was met in the hall way by a security guard. "Good morning Ambassador Haggbo, why are you dressed like...oh sorry Ma'am. Mistook you for someone else for a minute," said the guard as he stared at Parridan's hair. Since she was in such a hurry she'd forgotten to comb it after a good nights sleep and as such had a hair style much like that of the Tomatari Ambassador. Taking a moment she quickly removed the pink ribbons from her hair and combed it back into a passive state.

First stop was the Medical center. This was the new, updated Medical center as the old one according to Dr Cynic wasn't 'full of sick dying people and was just not an adequate place to conduct nefarious medical experiments.' In the center could be seen a number of wounded Danes from the war laying in different piles of agony. On the far side Dr Cynic was standing over a sheet covered body and examining some VDU readout.

"So he's dead then Doctor?" Asked the Captain as she managed to avoid putting any glee in her voice.

"Who's dead? And why weren't they bought here for me to gloat over?" Asked the Doctor

"Garibeardy?" Asked the Captain as she rapidly got more and more confused. Parridan pointed to the sheet covered body to help the Doctor understand the question.

Doctor Cynic lifted up the sheet and a still breathing Garibeardy was uncovered. "So *that's* were I left him!" Cried the Doctor as he rubbed his hands in joy. "Thought I'd lost him for a while, so many critically ill patients to stand over cackling you know Captain." After a few minutes silently fuming Parridan helped the Doctor connect Garibeardy to a bewildering number of electronic devices all with there own unique sound. The very last one to be connected was the machine that goes 'ping.' After all this was done the Doctor waved a VCR remote over the corpse (whoops!) I mean patient and read off the screen.

"It's bad Captain. We have two wounds. One is a classic 'eat this and die!' shot to the chest while the other seems to be an 'and the horse you rode in on' shot to the lower abdomen. The only problem is that the second wound is an exit wound and we don't seem to have an entry wound. That shot to the abdomen seems to have completely disintegrated his liver, no trace of it remains. The chest wound would have killed any normal man but Garibeardy has so much chest hair the shot was mostly stopped before it entered his body. He'll be right as rain as soon as it heals, unless I do this," explained the Doctor as he poked his finger into the wound. Garibeardy moaned in pain as the Doctor poked around in the open wound.

"You'd better not do that then Doctor," said Parridan as she gave him a stern glare.

"What ever you say Captain," smiled Dr Cynic as he withdrew his hand. "But give me a yell if you change your mind. Oh by the way we must find a replacement liver before the end of the day or Garibeardy will surely perish. His cellular structure is rapidly decaying without a regular infusion of Rum. Without his liver to slow the processing of the alcohol we just can't maintain the levels of Rum to maintain his life.

"Slowing the process? Isn't the liver meant to quicken the processing? Asked Parridan.

"In a normal person yes but it seems Garibeardy had conditioned his liver to do the exact opposite. It's sole function was to delay the processing of alcohol. With it destroyed his body is fighting a losing battle to remain drunk. Connecting him straight up to a keg of Rum by drip feed will keep him alive but not for long." Explained Doctor Cynic.

"Can't we transplant a fresh liver into him?" Asked Parridan.

"Are you mad, do you honestly think an ordinary human organ could put up with the strain of being inside Garibeardy?" Spluttered the Doctor. "It wouldn't last five minutes before filing a law suit against us for foul, oh I mean malpractice. We need to either find the old liver and that'll take the mother of all dust busters or regenerate another one from the wound."

"Can you do that?" Asked Parridan.

"Who knows but he's dying already so what have we got to lose?" Grinned Doctor Cynic.

Before Parridan could make the decision for the Doctor to experiment like he has never experimented before her comlink burst into action once more. "There's been another murder Captain!" Cried another nameless operations technician. Parridan made her way to the crime scene and was greeted by a gaggle of bystanders being held back by the security team. Garibeardy's second in command, Jaye Skot, briefed Parridan on the events as they appeared (I'll get you all into this eventually.)

"This guy was walking down below with some other guys when this foul black thing jumped out of the shadows and attacked him. Before his friends could get help it had attached itself to the first guys neck and started to drain him of blood. Pretty gross just thinking about it," explained Jaye.

Parridan looked down and saw that the corpse was as pale as a vinilla milkshake as a fair percentage of his blood had been taken in the 'mugging.' "What do the witnesses say this thing looked like?" Asked Parridan.

"About 15 centimeters longs, black as pitch, it dribbled foul ichor and smelled of breath mints," said Jaye from the top of her head.

Parridan looked at the body beside her and kneeled down. She looked at the stains on his shirt and found out from the bystanders that this man and his friends had just come from a bar nearby. Sniffing she caught the unmistakable odour of Rum. Looking straight at Jaye Captain Parridan put a new plan into action. "Get search teams out at once. I know who's behind these attacks. We have to catch this thing before it strikes again. Brief your people Jaye, Garibeardy's liver is loose on this station!"

______________

At the request of Parridan all the Ambassadors did what they could to locate the organ of doom. Ambassador Badger was thinking about the situation over a good cup of coffee while Haggbo laughed his arse off. De-Hanna grabbed the bull by the horns and sent her assistant to gather information. The first people to try were the TechnoMages. ME quickly walked down the corridor as fast as she could as De-Hanna had told her not to get distracted this time. ME made sure she didn't look at the stalls in the market and tried not to look at the pretty people in case she forgot what she was meant to be doing. Just as she was about to enter the Inner Sanctum of the TechnoMages she unfortunately looked out the view port and saw a starship about to land. "Shinny big metal thing!" Screamed ME as she plastered herself to the view port. About an hour later she managed to tear herself away from the view and make her way into the first office. Down a long corridor was a large stone chair lit by burning torches. Sitting on this chair was a young woman in a leather jacket. This woman looked familiar to ME but seemed different to what she had seen of the TechnoMages before.

"Hey little girl, what you after?" Asked the Auburn haired person on the chair.

"I'm looking for Day," said ME.

"Day's out at the moment but I'll help ya," Grinned Anna.

As ME came closer to Anna she was caught sight of the light from the two torches glinting off the zip of the leather jacket. Transfixed into place by this sight ME stopped dead in her tracks and smiled at the pretty colours. Anna soon became bored by this and jumped off the seat to stand next to ME. "What's up with you girl? Never seen a zip before? Get out of here before I smack you one for good measure!" Shouted Anna.

Being spoken too like a child bought back bad memories to ME and something behind her eyes snapped. ME grabbed Anna by the lapels and swung her around until they were face to face. "Ever talk to me like that again and you will know what sorry really means," spat ME as she glared at Anna.

"Hey take a chill pill little lady. I'd love to help ya. Just put me down and stop glaring like that before you burn a hole in the wall," said Anna with a smile.

After some stern discussion and a bit of waiting every now and again when ME was lost in contemplation of something shinny they finally made some progress. It seemed Day had some how come across a sample of Garibeardy's blood and through means arcane and long worded could track the liver as it moved about. Even better the machine had a pretty screen which lit up with a white dot when the liver was near. Even ticked a bit when it was working. Anna and ME were both very impressed with the device and presented it to Jaye and her team.

Parridan inspected the security team before they went off in search of the murdering liver. Parridan was impressed with the number of flame throwers the team had come up with in the short time that had passed. Jaye gave the captain a tired smile when one of her people dropped her weapon and incinerated a passerby. Sweeping the smoking Tomatari boots under a table Parridan gave the team the go ahead to begin search and destroy operations. The liver was to be taken alive if possible or in a devastating display of pyrotechnics if not. The team made their way 'down below' with the tracking device ticking away to itself. Parridan left them at it and went back to the Medical center to see if the Doctor had made any progress. Doctor Cynic was nowhere to be seen but someone had last seen him outside the station trying to connect a giant lightening rod to the radio array. Parridan winced at the news and made sure to keep an eye on Cynic for any ideas he may have for dancing around half naked in embryonic fluid.

Meanwhile 'down below' Jaye's team was having problems. The liver was last seen holding up a beer bar for its stock. "It's a Bud hunt!" Cried an over eager security guard who immediately became silent when Jaye glared at him. A nervous guard wandered into the Sewage and animal waste plant and with one careless swing of his flame thrower covered himself in hen waste. Jaye shook her head at the sight of a trooper covered in hen dung which was slowly seeping into his uniform. "How do I get out of this chicken shit outfit?" Asked the Trooper as he fumbled with his jumpsuit zip. After some time they managed to locate the liver in a blind alley. The tracking device ticked and flashed as the proximity of the liver became apparent. Knowing that it was trapped the liver snarled and spat at the guards. One foolish person came to close to the enraged organ and with one spurt of a flopping appendage the liver released an odour known only to male gym lockers or a rest room where the last occupant had ignored the warning of never drinking the water in some countries and had paid the price for it. The Trooper screamed as his nose fought a strategic withdrawal to the back of his head. In a flash of movement not known for livers it grabbed a nearby bucket of water and held itself suspended above it.

"Stay back!" Ordered Jaye. "Clean water, damn! Garibeardy's liver would never survive that!"

With the quick thinking that got her the position she holds today Jaye pulled out a hip flask of the dark spirit and threw it into the bucket of water. The Rum mixed in with the water as the liver plunged itself into the depths. Suspended in a Rum cocktail the liver slurped happily and became passive. Jaye grabbed the bucket and quickly took it up to the Medical center. Waiting for her there was the Doctor, Parridan and Raven Winters the telepath. Standing behind them all stood Ambassador Badger as he really hasn't done much today. He was chatting to a bouncing De-Hanna who was showing off her new harem trousers with great flare. When the liver came close to the still form of Garibeardy it hissed within the bucket and started to fight its way out. Parridan poured in some medical alcohol and it quickly became quiet once more. Raven walked up to the liver and made contact with its mind. She went pale as she came into contact with the mind within.

"His liver has a passenger. It isn't alone in there. An alien presence has taken control of his liver," explained Raven to the others.

"Must be a bloody stupid one if it can only possess a drunks liver," muttered Jaye to herself.

"Yes," snuffled Ambassador Badger. "It knew that it hadn't the power to fully take over one of us, even one with reduced mental capacities as Garibeardy."

>From the table Garibeardy's arm raised up and punched Ambassador Badger in the chest. With a groaned "ow!" as his hand impacted into the metal of the Percolator suit Garibeardy became still once more.

"It took over his liver as that was one part of his body with no will of its own. Garibeardy had subdued his liver so sufficiently that is fell quickly under the power of our friend in the bucket. Even after taking control of the organ I imagine that Garibeardy had a mental link with the organ and so the alien had to kill it's previous host before it was truly free," explained Ambassador Badger.

All the others were most impressed with this display of intuition and inside the Percolator suit Ambassador Badger grinned as he put down the copy of the script he had been reading. Doctor Cynic waited for Raven to drive out the possessing alien and then replaced Garibeardy's liver into its previous position with only a little bit of duct tape to hold it into place. Raven sighed as Garibeardy stirred from his coma. "Guess that lap is out of commission for a while," said she. Garibeardy opened his eyes and groaned.

"I could kill for a drink you know?" Said the bearded security chief. "Why are you all laughing?"