Like a giant walking thing with armour and enough weaponry to sink a not so
small country the BadgerMech stalked the countryside. Its head and torso
twisted from side to side as if to say 'hey, look at my tits!' In reality it
was actually saying, if it could talk that is, 'where the hell am I?'
Mr
Badger mumbled a few of his favourite curses as he attempted to relocate the
battle field. The invasion of this world, called Dun'bathing by the Celtic
original colonists, was going fine until the actual landing. The
LuftBadgerMech fighters had cleared the skies of adversaries with their
usual efficiency, by crashing into them. Being surrounded by at least three
tonnes of armour lets you get away with that sort of thing generally. The
crack pilots of Chan Ohare pride themselves of never firing a shot in anger.
In fact just to see what it's really like in combat against a real enemy
Chan Ohare often fire upon themselves just for the hell of it and to see
what the guns actually sound like. After having flown through all the local
defenders the LuftBadgerMechs had withdrawn to a low orbit to practice
barrel rolls and taunts. The massive Drop Ships of Chan Spider, looking as
usual like a cross between a pea pod and a bowel motion, jetted toward the
planets surface like a grape fruit with a sky rocket up its arse. Drop
Ships are so named as from the appearance of them while they were being
constructed someone dropped the model on the floor without telling anyone.
Misshapen but still effective the design hasn't changed all that much of the
centuries. The designers talk about re-entry profiles and aerodynamic curves
but we all know they're just covering up someone's clumsiness. Out of the
sides sprang small dots which would later be identified as BadgerMech's.
These fell toward the ground in a graceful controlled manner, all but one of
them. Guess whose?
Mr Badger leapt out of the Drop Ship with his usual 'about to enter combat'
battle cry of. "Last one down is a big girl's blouse!" Manoeuvring his
BadgerMech into an upside down direction Mr Badger managed to fall the
fastest toward the ground. The important deceleration stratagem was replaced
with a 'if I land on my head what's going to be hurt by it?' tactic.
Striking the ground head first Mr Badger's BadgerMech buried itself ten
metres into the earth. By the time he dug himself out the battle had long
since moved from this area. Shaking the last of the mud from the Windscreen
(3050 3.1) Mr Badger walked toward the gunfire on the horizon.
Cresting a
large hill revealed the battle in progress. The defending BadgerMechs were
withdrawing to the North under heavy fire. The BadgerMechs of Chan Spider
were giving chase but built for armour and really big weapons their speed
was inadequate for the task. If allowed to retreat safely the defenders
could return to fight a guerilla war style campaign that might result in the
world of Dun'bathing being scorched from orbit. Scorching or Orbital
Bombardment as it is known isn't really necessary but it is kind of fun and
not a bad way to end a campaign. Well for the defenders it's a complete
disappointment and then some but who cares about them as they'll all be dead
momentarily anyway. Chan Spider would like nothing better than to have a bit
of a fight down below before blasting every centimetre of life off the
planet is a disgusting display of fire power never since the last John Wayne
movie.
Mr Badger watched as the enemy BadgerMech's ran toward his unsuspected
position. With a small grin of delight at being so tactically superior even
he himself hadn't suspected he'd occupy this position Mr Badger armed his
weapons. They, of course, were already armed but who could hate that nice
increasing hum they make when you give them a kick start. Waiting for the
enemy to come within range Mr Badger deactivated then reactivated the
weapons over and over again out of personal pleasure and the need to fiddle
with something. Just as he was about to open fire all the enemy BadgerMechs
stopped in a sudden skid, they'd seen him. Not that a 20 metre tall metallic
armoured death machine was at all stealthy. Especially not one painted black
and white pacing up and down the top of a hill with the moon behind it. Mr
Badger cursed some more and started his way down the hill to engage.
The first sign of enemy fire came when a small chip appeared on the outside
of the Windscreen. Just as suddenly another chip then another appeared.
Twisting around Mr Badger couldn't see any other enemies than the one's in
front of him. It had to be an AC 2 being fired at him.
An AC 2 or Awesome
Carnage, must be two years of age or older to view, was a design created
with an accurate long ranged weapon in mind. While these two categories were
satisfied what also should have been added and given to the design team was
'and capable of inflicted damage.' The AC 2 is one of the longest range
weapons in a BadgerMech's arsenal. Capable of striking an opponent from
literally kilometres away the AC 2 is limited only by the curvature of the
earth and the fact that some things have the selfish habit of moving after
you've shot at them. Despicable practice that, if you've gone to the trouble
to waste some ammunition at someone the least they can do is get hit by it.
To reach such a great distance the AC 2 must sacrifice something to carry so
much propellant and that thing is the shell itself and the weapons rate of
fire.
Mr Badger ducked as yet another BB sized bullet bounced off the
Windscreen, adding another scratch to its surface. The most dangerous thing
about an AC 2 would be if you happened to be standing under one and an
ejected shell casing should fall on you. The AC 2 is employed secondarily as
a long ranged sniper but primarily just to piss someone off. Running down
the slope Mr Badger finally reached his own weapons range and cut loose with
a massive barrage of missile fire. Like the AC 2 the LRM's fired by Mr
Badger had to sacrifice hitting power for range but not to such an extent
for both categories. LRM's, or Ludicrously Ranged Missiles, give up
altogether on carrying a warhead and replace the weighty explosive with more
propellant and a new design of damage dealing device. Light weight and
undoubtedly effective for it's mass the LRM carries as a payload a
combination of tomato sauce and raspberry cordial. Upon impact with the
target BadgerMech the warhead splits open and gushes it's contents over the
armour. Stained beyond repair the armour fashion consciously sheds itself
from the BadgerMech to fall to the ground leaving craters in it's wake.
The AC 2 carrying BadgerMech staggered under the barrage of LRM's and fell
to one knee. Attempting to regain its feet the BadgerMech slowly groaned
with effort as the leg was stuck to the ground with the spilled cordial.
There was a crack of splintered metal as the leg/ground battle was lost and
the enemy BadgerMech fell completely to the ground to stay at rest, one leg
severed at the hip.
Chuckling at such an easy victory Mr Badger was
unprepared for the facing looking at him before the other side of the
Windscreen. Early on in the Succulention wars some bright little spark
attempted to fight BadgerMechs with ordinary troops. After that day the
Infantry was given the nickname 'Crunchy' as that's the sound they make when
a BadgerMech steps on them. While infantry still have a vital place on
today's battlefields they operate under strict procedures to maximise their
punch and survivability. As such Mr Badger was more than a little bemused to
see one waving at him through the glass 20 metres above the ground. Taking a
closer squint Badger could see the figure was dressed in a massive suit of
personal armour with a Bungi cord attached from the soldiers backpack to Mr
Badger's BadgerMech. "An Elephant-mental trooper with a Jump Pack!" muttered
Mr Badger as he tried to shake off the trespasser.
Elephant-mentals, so called for their complete inability to be graceful or
indeed coordinated inside that much armour and because you'd have to be
stupid to wear something so ugly it draws fire all on its own, were the
infantry's answer to BadgerMech combat. Protected by many slabs of the best
battleship grey armour an Elephant-mental was expected to survive at least
for a little bit on the battlefield. Armed with the little girlie version of
a BadgerMech's Laser and a small SRM pack the Elephant-mental could try to
get its own back at a BadgerMech before being swatted into paste. With such
short ranged weaponry an Elephant-mental had to get in close before firing.
In swarms or with surprise an Elephant-mental could mean serious problems
for a BadgerMech pilot. With their Bungi motivated mobility and heavy armour
an Elephant-mental could be troublesome to remove if not handled right.
Being an expert in anti- Elephant-mental tactics Mr Badger knew exactly what
to do.
With a flick of a number of switches the BadgerMech was put onto
autopilot. Without needing any further instructions the BadgerMech opened
fire with everything it had and sprayed the entire area with fire. While
this was happening Mr Badger wound down a side window and climbed out to
settle this as it should be, hand to hand. Some pilots like to swot an
irritating insect while others go for the trick shot and get rid of them
without blowing ones own head off. Mr Badger goes for the good old, defend
against boarders trick of kicking their bollocks out their throats and
spitting down the bloody hole remaining. Humming to himself Mr Badger swung
himself outside the BadgerMech and waved the good but faithful one fingered
salute at the Elephant-mental. Confronted with such a challenge the
Elephant-mental could do nothing but respond in kind with a two fingered
foreign variety of the same salute but carrying the same over all message of
dismissal. Grinning as the traditions were satisfied Mr Badger attempted to
unscrew the Elephant-mental's neck without the need for tools or a vice.
Tearing the Elephant-mental in half along the dotted line Mr Badger waited
till another armoured warrior was below and dropped the two halves down to
the ground. On the journey to the hard unyielding bit at the bottom the SRM
pack opened and fired it's contents straight down to the unlucky soul
directly underneath it's path. With a muffled roar and a fair bit of smoke
the rockets ignited and burnt themselves out in the milliseconds they are
famous for. All of this was immaterial for the target as he was blown to the
four winds by the subsequent explosion and gravity fed assault of his former
comrade in arms. Mr Badger laughed and returned to the pilots couch.
Mr Badger, while fighting with the banner of Chan Spider, belongs to a far
older and more independent family. After a long night reinacting battles
with the aid of rapidly emptying liquid containing vessels of numerous sizes
Mr Badger awoke to see he'd signed up for a rather extended tour of duty
fighting the Inner Circle. Not altogether unhappy with these events Mr
Badger picked up his BadgerMech from the valet and walked it through a car
wash before boarding the Drop Ship.
There had been many battles since then,
most of them victorious or at least a decent manly body count for all sides
involved. As this invasion wound down, due to a fair percentage of the
defenders being nothing but metallic bloody chunks the Chans claimed the
prize they invaded this world in search of, a clean toilet with some of that
soft scented paper they all liked. As the Chans relaxed the message of their
arrival in that system winged its way across the stars exactly like a
Whisper pad can't. Well it probably could but you'd have to really throw it
hard or attach some sort of propulsion to it. A heat shield to stop the moss
burning away would be necessary also I'd imagine and then all the blue ink
would boil away leaving a horrible stain. Maybe slow but still surely I'd
suggest leaving the message carrying to radio or light waves. Writing on the
back of a Whisper pad, blue ink or not, may sound like a good idea, make use
of those wings and all, but in the end someone's going to end up with ink on
their faces, unless it's all boiled away that is.
____________________________________________
Handel read the message slowly as his old eyes had trouble with the small
printing. Raising a glass full of a dark liquid in front of his eyes he
found it made the writing easier to read and soothed the throat at the same
time. Gulping away with the end of each message Handel swore as he realised
the Chans had taken more ground then he'd given them credit for. He'd have
to refund them now or his cheque book would never balance at the end of the
month.
Leaving the hall of wisdom, deep in the middle of a TeleComStar
stronghold Handel nodded to the assembled Acolytes as he passed. With the
known galaxy expanding at such a vast rate Handel realised early on he
hadn't the time to learn all there was to learn without really crimping down
on his weekends. As such he'd taken advantage of the Succulention wars and
formed a religious order based around being a nosy bastard and controlling
things. With his vast knowledge of communication techniques and a formidable
collection of files he's never had Handel formed TeleComStar out of the
Ashes of the Bar League. Breakthroughs in technology had been released into
the public as society became ready for them. Harnessing them faster than
light speed of the power known as Gossip, Handel managed to unite a galaxy
broken down by strikes and not knowing what the soap operas were upto.
TeleComStar became an essential part of life and as such safe from the
Succulention wars and all they meant for the common person. Actually for a
common person they didn't mean a hell of a lot but for the slightly
intelligent person it scared the crap out of them.
Handel shook his head as
he thought of the radical splinter group that had sprung out of TeleComStar
the way a small but important bit always flies across the room when you try
to fix damn near anything. Word of Bell South had started small but had
since become a power in it's own right. Using TeleComStar's own tactics
against it the charismatic leader of Word has amassed files the like of
which Handel had never admitted to knowing about, even if they do exist
which no-one is saying they do, what files? Known only as Spooke this person
is shrouded in myth and whispers. So far no direct action had been taken by
either side except for name calling and offensive gesturing but the powers
that be were holding their breath if the conflict should ever become overt.
Sure most of the people were used to holding their breath, being dead and
all, but the symbolism of the action shouldn't be lost just because you
drink blood for a living and are a bit pale.
TeleComStar had prepared its own forces if it should ever lose it's
neutrality in the Inner Circle. Armies of BadgerMechs had been prepared for
the night when vengeance would be theirs for any infraction of even all the
harsh looks the Order gets now and again. Handel knew that now was not the
time to show the steel beneath TeleComStar's gloves of peace. There was
another way to secure TeleComStar's idea of the future, a way used by all
the powers in the Inner Circle. The method was oblique and sure to remain a
secret, Mercenaries. Mercenaries were the life's blood of the Inner Circle
as it allowed the brave and the extroverted a chance to get either
stinkingly rich or dead while still maintaining their street credibility.
Handel knew just where a rich source of Mercenaries could be bought......
