Episode 1

By Mr Badger, Parr Hesia, Handel W. Care, Wacko the Sane and Grand Spooke Malke.

This show really doesn't need any help as it's funny enough on its own but no-one has every accused me of being subtle - Mr Badger.

It's a beautiful day in Northern New Zealand. The story begins with our hero oiling his muscles in preparation for the trials soon to begin (he's heard the theme music so action can't be far behind.) Hercubadger is dressed in a fine pair of woolly underpants favoured by heros since the days of Conan.

"What's the plan for today Hercubadger?" Asked Handelolis.

"Fight my evil stepmother Parrhera and rid the world of evil, same as usual," replied the tall dark fine specimen of a man.

"With luck we will manage to score some free food and board as usual as well," commented XeMEna, warrior princess.

"Quiet in the ranks, don't tarnish the hero image or you won't get your spinoff like we promised," said Hercubadger.

"...mumble mumble mumble fuzzies mumble..."

Suddenly (after some commercials) the woodland trail was filled with stage smoke. From out of the murky depths stood a man in a mighty fine toga. He glowed with the radiance of some one with divinity printed cleanly on all his clothes tags.

"Fear not Hercubadger, I mean you no harm," said the stranger.

"Who are you stranger and what do you mean by frightening good decent folk like ourselves?" Replied Hercubadger while striking a pose.

"My name is Erethena and I am a sister in law of yours. I am the God of wisdom in science and warfare."

"Speak Erethena, you are amongst friends," said Hercubadger as he dropped the pose.

"Hercubadger, you and your friends must travel to the far land of Atrium where you must destroy the Warlord Asprin. He has forsaken the Gods themselves and has dealings with the Spelling network."

"Foul demons that they are, we will do as you say as long as there is a busty maiden for myself, Rum for my sidekick and the chance to gather shinies for the warrior princess," replied Hercubadger.

"Go forth then but heed my warning the way will be blocked by minions of Parrhera. You may need this!" Cried Erethena as he produced a mighty Spade from out of his robes.

"I thought he was just pleased to see me," said XeMEna, dusting off a very old joke.

"Is that the Mighty Spade of Thesaurus?" Asked Hercubadger.

"Aye, the very spade. Treat it well and remember it must not fall into the hands of Parrhera!"

With that Erethena disapeared in a cloud of smoke. With the plot neatly explained for the slower of viewers the three heros set off for adventure.

{Commercial break #2}

"It was lucky the commercials were on when we were ambushed by that badly animated stop-motion monster," commented Handelolis.

"I thought we were doomed in the Valley of Polystyrene rocks," added XeMEna.

"It was a close one XeMEna but the delay caused by your personal theme music gave me time to oil my muscles and strike a really manly pose before the rocks could crush us. Do you realise that you're the only character in this series to get personal in-to-action theme music?" Answered Hercubadger.

Before them stood the fabled city of Atrium, home of Asprin the Warlord. Its towers of gold shone in the moonlight. XeMEna's jaw hung as she took in the sights. The heros took time out to pose while silhouetted on the hill side.

Before they could move the earth was torn asunder by the evil minions of Parrhera. They were dressed in the finest of furs and fake jewellery. Swords were drawn by both sides (and a spade.) The battle began. The minions stood no chance as the air was filled with the sound of XeMEna's theme music and the battle cry of Hercubadger and Handelolis.

"Snuffle....Rum...." etc etc.

Hercubadger and Handelolis managed to defeat numerious oponents before being laid low by the forces of evil. XeMEna levelled foes beyond count but couldn't let all the shinies go to waste so she was relativly easy to capture.

"Take off his armour!" Shouted Exxon, the Guard Captain.

One of the few surviving minions took off the small leather strap that was Hercubadger's belt.

"Ha! Now you are helpless and weak! I shall rant at you until you beg for death.

Part Two....
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Parrhera, Queen of the Gee-Hods lounged in the obligatory ghod lounging style in her palace. Thousands of peacocks wandered to and fro, followed by thousands of servants who unobtrusibly cleaned up their doo-doo. Others sprayed fragrance in the air and tended to fragrant rosebushes, but a rank odor still became apparant now and then. The Queen sighed and vowed never again to pick a token animal based on looks alone.

"I'm really the one that deserves some sympathy, here;" ranted Parrhera to a nodding servant, who occasionally handed her glasses of carbonated Nectar Lite (tm).

"I mean, here I am, a woman stuck in this sexist society where the only way to suceed is through your husband and children..... and look! Lightning-Boy is always off running after anything with two legs, and I'm here without a single child to my name! And to top it off, the son of that suspiciously furry woman and my lawful husband is now the biggest name on Mount Olypompus! Everywhere I hear 'Hercubadger this' and 'Hercubadger that' !" The Queen banged down her finished glass, startling peacocks.

"Now tell me, would that be enough to drive you to some god-like acts of revenge, or what?" The servant was about to reply when a peacock landed on his head. "Damnit, get these birds out of here!" she yelled, and grabbed another glass of Nectar Lite and an asprin. Servants scrabbled to and fro, and soon the hall was empty.

"Well, we'll see how he and his friends hold up now!" she smirked. "XeMEna, warrior princess, is trapped in a tv studio, forced to sing jingles for cheap deoderant, and will never see the small screen again! Handelolis is chained in the Dungeon of a Thousand Hangovers, and as for Hercubadger..." she smiled evily. After a few seconds her smile dropped and she cursed softly, digging into her toga for her copy of the script. "What's this? SOMETHING has to happen to Hercubadger! Deprive him of his oils! Force him to wear winter underwear! Something!" She rapidly flipped through pages.

"So....he has eluded a torture by changing the script, eh? Not so fast, my crafty friend." She leaned over her throne and commanded her Major Domo, Spookulus. "Go, and bring forth the dark one...Mastar of Eeevil....The One, The Only...Arron Spelling! HE shall re-write Hercubadger's script! AHAHahahhaHaha!"

He bowed once and left, indulging in the obligatory evil laughter (tm)....

Part Three....
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"Groan," groaned Handelolis. He didn't feel very well. "I don't feel very well," he moaned. "Hmm. Am I doubling up to much?"

Remembering that he was supposed to be the comic relief hero type guy, he decided to unbend and do one of those posey type things to help pass the time. It didn't help much. In fact, it didn't help at all. The Dry Horrors were beating up on poor Handelolis, and they were double timing while the ref wasn't looking. Jumping from the ropes, in fact.

"Owww," owwed Handelolis. "When I get my hands on the bastich who put that water jug just out of my reach, I'm gonna do something ridiculously nasty to him like.... like... make him drink some of Hercubadger's coffee of the gods... black. Yeah, that'll do it."

"Ha ha ha," laughed an eeevil voice (Villany 101 only, though).

Handelolis looked up from his torment to see an imposing figure sihouetted at the top of the dungeon stairs. "You? But I thought..."

"What you think has little effect on such as I, you pathetic drunkard," ranted the outline in a cutting way. It stepped forwards to reveal itself as none other than Spookulus!

"Shit. You've lost weight," remarked Handelolis. "I don't think the dress suits you, though."

"It's a toga, dumbheadus," replied Spookulus. Negligently, he kicked the chained Handelolis in the stomach and stood back in case of any reverse peristaltic incidents. "I have come to gloat at your plight and inform you that I am off to get Spelling, the dark one himself, to write Hercubadger into his doom! You will never escape, for everyone knows that your hostage status is only second to that of Robin, the Boy Wonder, and without Hercubadger you are practically useless. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"Piss off," retorted Handelolis, rather weakly. "You're the one who's working for a woman in this day and age."

"Ah. Women. Your beloved XeMEna is in trouble too. Parrhera has done for her too!"

"Beloved? Shite, I wish you'd stop that. Hercubadger can be friends and only friends with any number of women - no matter how many wonder bras they're wearing. Just 'cause he's the son of a god, an' all.."

"Snarl," snarled Spitzandalexus, the two headed hellhound of Spookulus. It/ they had been feeling left out.

"I'm outta here. Suffer, you sad little excuse for a sidekick."

With a twirl of his skirts Spookulus ascended the stairs and clanged the heavy door closed.

"Well bugger," said Handelolis, his fake American accent dropping for a moment. "Where is Herc? I need a drink! Damn you Parrhera!!!"

Part Four....
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Handelolis let his head hang low. Too many of the things that Spookulus had said had rung true. Was he just an excuse for Hercubadger to get into mindless violence despite his averred dislike of it? Surely not! Herc was his buddy, and his hero, he wouldn't use him in such a manner... would he?

Again, the clanging of the dungeon door brought him out of his pondering. Had Spookulus returned? No. It was a larger and even more imposing figure in the doorway this time.

First pausing for sinister effect, the form then stepped into the flickering torchlight. Spiky green hair topped the head of the hulking being.

"A troll," gasped Handelolis, his throat even dryer. He pushed back against the unyielding stonework, his thirst momentarily forgotten. What was that the fiend Parrhera up to now?

"You are mistaken, Handelolis," said the figure. "No troll am I, but Hagbuttus, Lord of the... the place next door to Parrhera's pad."

"Oh. Not the Hagbuttus who is so mighty and terrible that he frequently assaults ArdOes, god of War, by any chance?"

"Ahem. Certainly not. As all know that Hagbuttus is both pink and fluffy, whilst I am neither, as you can see for yourself."

Aside from a little 5 o'clock shadow, Handelolis was forced to agree.

"There you go, then. I am a good servant of Erezeus, king of the gods, and wish to help his son and thwart the evil machinations of his step-mother, Parrhera. Starting with releasing you, and then finding your companions." As good as his word, Hagbuttus unlocked the chains with a key from about his person and held Handelolis from falling to the bone strewn floor as his weary legs failed beneath him.

"Thanks," said Handelolis gratefully. "You don't happen to have something more powerful than water about you, do y...." His voice trailed away as he cocked his head, obviously intent on hearing something."Where's that foreboding background music coming from?" As he tried to orient on the noise he moved away from Hagbuttus and seemed to lose the direction. "Must just be the DT's," he decided.

Unseen behind him, a flare of unnatural light flickered across the eyes of the watching Hagbuttus. He grinned to show fine, white teeth and perfectly pink gums.

"Best we be off, lest Parrhera detect our presence, and do that really silly effect with the peacock feather eyes," Hagbuttus told the lesser hero as he gargled with the water.

spit "Yea and verily. Let us find the others."

As the door closed for the last time behind the two, the flames from the torchbrackets were snuffed out. No further need for them...

Part Five.....
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Parrhera, Queen of the gee-hods (and DON'T you forget it!) sat fanning herself with a brand new fan of peacock feathers. She looked rather smug.

"Sammy", she said lazily, "did you finish sending in that change-of-token-animal form yet?"

"No, my lady. It is by far the most difficult and bedeviling paper I have ever attempted to fill out."

"Hmm...bedeviling, eh? That give me an idea...make me an appointment with Summius, god of Taxes, will you? Oh, and Sammy...one thing I've always wondered: why don't you have a time-period correct name like the rest of us?"

He sniffed. "I was a deprived child."

"There there" she said, patting him with the fan. "Darnitall, I hate these damned togas! Never can put them on right and they give me the worst wedgie." Parr wiggled and shuffled the toga. "How's the list of available animals going?"

"It's rather short. Poseidon absolutely would not give up the horse..."

"Awww..."

"And he suggested that you 'make some darned animals yourself'."

"Hmm. Still miffed about that Athens thing. Heh heh. What else?"

"Ardvark...Tree Sloth...Bole Weevil..."

The Queen heaved a great sigh. "No, no, no, those won't do at all. This whole thing is depressing me...how many years untill they invent Prozac?"

"Um..." said Sammy, doing some quick math in his head, "about VIXXXXXXCMCXM..."

"AGHGHGH! That's ROMAN numerals, you idiot! We're GREEK!"

"Sorry..." stammered Sammy as Parrhera threw hereself off her throne and began pacing back and forth. A small, dark cloud appeared above her head and started raining lightly on her hair. Suddenlly she slumped to the floor. Her face was drawn and tired.

Sammy frowned and desperatly tried to think of something to amuse his Queen. "You could drag out Handelolis and XeMEna for some good, old-fashioned taunting," he suggested. "That always cheers you up!" He gave her a hand up.

"Yeah!" cried Parrhera with renewed enthusiasim. "Bring me the prisoners XeMEna and Handelolis!" Young, male guards with long hair and golden armor saluted the Queen and stomped off. Parrhera's eyes followed them for a moment until she caught Sammy staring at her. "Uh, I was just inspecting the guard! Their armor needs to be polished! Yeah, that's it!" She hopped up back on her throne to await the arrival of her prisoners.

                     *               *               *

Meanwhile, in a tiny, dirty building on a tiny, badly built set, XeMEna, Warrior Princess was battling a propman dressed as 'Smelly Odor'.

"Back Back!" she read, without enthusiam. "Your wetness and odor will trouble me no longer, as I am using new "Obvious" deoderant!" XeMEna stabs the propman with a retractable sword and he staggers off to die. She steps forward to the screen.

"That's because new 'Obvious' deodorant fights wetness and odor with the strength of ten men! It even kept Hercubadger cool as he cleaned out the Agean Stables!"

"Obvious -- Strong enough for a woman; but made for a peasant! Try some today!"

"CUT!!" cried the director in disgust. "That was horrible! I'm sorry, but you're just not right for the job. Next!"

Dejected and in chains, XeMEna was led to her next torture: radio advertising for chariots. Soon her will would be broken altogether.

"Wait up, there!" cried Commander Random, head of the Palace Guards. "That woman is to be taken to see Parrhera herself!" XeMEna was transferred over to the Commander and Lietenant Dyer. "Yawn" said Dyer. "I'm bored."

"You're always bored," sighed Random as he turned to face XeMEna. "Please come this way...oh wait. Drat, I'm supposed to be evil, right? I really got this job just to get through college. I'm not that good at it so don't give me away, eh?" XeMEna nodded.

"Ok, let me try that again." Random cleared his throat. "You're coming along with us, missy! Queen Parrhera wants to have a little chat with you!" He tried an evil laugh for extra effect. Lieutenant Dyer just sighed and wished cards had be invented.

                     *               *               *

Queen Parrhera was almost done creating the game 'Yahtzee' when Commander Random returned. "My Lady, here is XeMEna, Warrior.."

"Princess, yeah yeah I know that crap already! It's not true. Her father was a weatherman and her mother sold bathroom tile!"

"Gasp!" cried the assembled pages and guards at Parrhera's accusation.

"My Lady! My Lady!" yelled an overactive page who stumbled into the room at a dogtrot. "Handel...Handelodel...Halitosis...."

"HandelOLIS?" said Parrhera.

"Yeah! Him! He's escaped!"

Part Six.......
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When last seen our heroes were trapped in pits of horror. Handelolis fretted against a wall. He could hear the sound of guards foot steps going down the stone steps. He must escape this dungeon but how?? He checked the door. No, solid oak. He checked the floor. Nope, solid stone. He checked the back walls.

Ah Ha! Just as I thought! This is no wall but a badly painted sheet pretending to be a wall! Parrhera must have done the decorating on the cheap last time. Pulling the sheet down Handelolis found himself in a deserted sound stage. This must be where they were torturing XeMEna. I was wondering why I couldn't get those jingles out of my head. I must find Hercubadger so we can rescue her!

Meanwhile......

"Oh mighty Hercubadger tell us another story of your courage," said a scantily clad slip of a girl as she fed Hercubadger another grape. Our hero was reclined on a couch of pillows with women all around pandering to his every need.

Hercubadger could hardly ignore a maiden in need so he told a mighty story with many sword fights and many badly animated monsters. During particularly violent bits Hercubadger acted out the scene and posed like he had never posed before. The women swooned at his exploits and Hercubadger had to wait time and time again for them to recover.

"By Bendon, ancient Greek Goddess of Upper Body Support, that was a good story," said one of the nameless crowd.

Before Hercubadger could continue the boasting there was a puff of smoke and twanging of rubber bands. In the middle of the room stood Spookulus!

"Don't just sit there with your mouth open like that, oil my muscles!" Shouted Hercubadger at the woman in front of him.

Hercubadger disappered under a pile of screaming women. "No me! No me! Me to!..." etc etc etc.

Taking advantage of the confusion Spookulus settled himself into the famous 'evil-doer rant' pose. One leg was supported by a chair and his toga was tastefully arranged over the rest of him.

"Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincerdarum," said Spookulus.
{Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe}

Hercubadger stood up in a fresh coat of 'No-more tears' baby oil. "That is very well Spookulus but can't you see I'm busy," replied Hercubadger, not as pretentious as Spookulus to use Latin. "Nice dress by the way."

"It's a toga."

"What ever you say."

Meanwhile.....

Parrhera was most happy. She could see in her magic 'Coffee Perculator' that Spookulus had captured her vile stepson Hercubadger. But where was Handelolis? The mists of coffee cleared and there he was.

"Where the hell am I?" Asked Handelolis. He had been wondering for hours and still no Hercubadger to be found. He heard the sound of guards approaching, gotta hide! Handelolis jumped through a sheet painted to look like an open window with sky behind it in one of those lovely sunset shots with a tree in the background and everything...

...and found himself in a room with wall to wall pink frilly bits. Everything was pink or wanted to be pink. There wasn't a hem in the room that wasn't covered in a doily arrangement of lace. The floor was covered in an ankle deep carpet of fluff. Movement was difficult but possible. On a throne of pure fluff sat the person Handelolis least wanted to meet this side of a commercial break Hagbuttus.

Hagbuttus was being served a sickly pink drink by a half horse, other half horse creature that could only be a 'My-Little-Pony.' This fresh wave of cuteness was too much and Handelolis's last thought was of Hagbuttus laughing at him.

...back with Hercubadger the face off was at a stand still. Hercubadger and his arch nemesis sat drinking coffee around a table.

"Bloodybuggery! They're back!" Mumbled Hercubadger.

Nameless stagehands ran onto the set and removed the table and coffee cups.

Spookulus cleared his throat and checked the script. "Where were we?" He asked. "Resistence is futile...blah blah blah...come with me or face the consequences...blah blah blah....oh here we are. Parrhera will reward me greatly for your skin Hercubadger!"

"You know better then to trust Parrhera with the truth Spookulus. She is secretly in league with fiendolayhewho, the god of something or other," replied Hercubadger.

Part Seven........
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Parrhera was growing increasingly annoyed at the mortal in front of her.

"In addition to Parrhera underwear, we can sell these nifty Feather Fans (tm). I'll of course get 30% for marketing and advertisment."

"How did you even get in here? I can't imagine anyone so annoying! Drag this man down to the underworld. Death to this salesman! Death to Wackomonius!"

Wackomonius realised that Parrhera wasn't as hot a sales item as HercuBadger, but he had refused to do business. Just because it was His name doesn't mean He gets 80% off the top!

"Now just relax, I'm sure we can come to an agreement. How about Parrhera perfume? Or Parrhera style togas? Or hairspray? or eyemakeup? You'll start with 20 dinars! 50 dinars! 70 dinars!"

Parrhera takes five asprin to drown out the pathetic cries of Wackomonius. Geez, what an annoying human. His punishment will have to be very severe. Now back to the matter at hand-HercuBadger!

Part Eight........
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Queen Parrhera was most pleased. First that Door to Door marketer has been thrown to the hamsters. The peacocks were a complete waste of time but at least they were sort of threatening, these hamsters hardly manage to scare themselves...sigh. Back to the mystical Coffee Perculator. Queen Parrhera easily finds Handelolis in the den of the Hagbuttus, she slides the vertical hold and easily finds Handelolis with Hagbuttus looking for XeMEna in a side chamber. Hang on? There's two of them, each, so theres four of them sort of!

The hamsters drop dead at the scream of pure rage directed at the pair of pairs. Some one will pay for this! Guards! Find me the Handeloils's (Handeloli?) and the Hagbutts! Bring them to me in chains!

Meanwhile......

Handelolis crept up the stairs with Hagbuttus bringing up the rear.

"Will you stop that music!" Whispered Handelolis.

"Oh, you can hear that as well. Thought it was just me, sorry," answered Hagbuttus in a tone of voice to suggest he wasn't even slightly.

"Where could see be? Think brain think. Ah ha!" Cried Handelolis as his Rum deprived brain managed an idea without consuming itself. "Where else would she be but where there are the most shinies! The bathroom!"

"How do we find that in this place?" Asked Hagbuttus

"Easy, listen for the giggling, women always go in groups," replied Handelolis.

Meanwhile.....

Handelolis got up off the floor.

"How was that Dave?" Asked 'Handelolis'.

"Not too bad Steve. The look of horror was good but the fall looked a bit fake." Replied 'Hagbuttus'

"What do we do now?" Asked 'Handelolis'

"Let's see...the script says to wait here until the evil queens henchpersons come in and take us to her in chains. Then she will throw a hissy fit as we're not the real Handelolis and Hagbuttus. Then we will suffer a death not seen by mortal man. Wish they'd hurry up, this bathrobe really itches." Answered 'Hagbuttus'.

"You think you've got problems? This fake beard is killing me...." "STUNT DOUBLES!!!! YOU CAPTURED THE STUNT DOUBLES!!!!! Guards! Throw these other guards into a dungeon somewhere! And take those stupid chains off these extras!"

Parrhera threw a hissy fit to go down in history. Across the land rivers flooded, volcanoes erupted and that fake peacock effect covered up the moon.

When she calmed down she remembered the stuntdoubles. "Random! Fetch me the Demon Spelling, I know just the fate for these mortals. Ever heard of Melrose Place?"

{Insert evil laugh}

While we were in the Throne room Handelolis has managed to free the warrior princess XeMEna. She throws her arms around Handelolis, who tries to keep his composure.

"You we're so heroic Handelolis. If only you were more like Hercubadger then we could be so happy together. But you are short and that beard itches....nevermind. Where is Hercubadger anyway?" Asked the Maiden in Leather.

"Upstairs with Spookulus waiting for the cliffhanger so they can escape in wild fashion next week."

"What was last weeks cliffhanger?" Asked Hagbuttus.

"Hercubadger was being chased by ArdOes' dog Muffy. He escaped by waiting for ArdOes to be doing that moon thing he learnt off Parrhera and legged it. Hardly heroic but it pays the bills." Replied Handelolis.

Upstairs......

Just as Hercubadger let slip with the secret about Parrhera and the God fiendolayhewho a mighty crack split open the stone wall. Polystyrene rocks fall onto the pair - who over acted the impact. In the moonlight streaming through the now opened wall stood fiendolayhewho himself...

"That ain't Jim Bean...." said Hercubadger.

Part Nine........
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"Heeey, buddy, where d'ya think YOU'RE going?"

Spookulus paused, uncertain. "To see the Demon Spelling, and summon him before Parrhera... and ask for a raise."

The slovenly slob who had accosted him peered at him piggishly and with much use of adjectives. "Sorry, bud," he drawled wittily, "Ain't nobody goes in to see Spelling. Specially not some weirdo in a ghost costume." He peered behind Spookulus, his nose wrinkled. "And no pets on the set." Spitzandalexus, miffed, sidled towards the guard's lunchbox.

"It's a toga. Look, I'm sure standing out here is thirsty work. Maybe all you need is a beer, and I'll be gone when you get back." Several coins clinked to the ground; Spooke appeared not to notice. But Fatboy did. The fat guard looked him up and down cynically. "Sure. Write your name here an' I'll send it to his secretary. Maybe he'll even have time." Spookulus scribbled his name and then called Spitzandalexus, who trotted up to him happily.

The guard scratched the strategically placed flab he'd apparently forgotten to pull his pants over, and watched the dark-haired tall fellow in the bedsheet step over a spreading puddle and disappear into the building.

Spookulus deftly stopped an elevator, cleared it out with a mystic gesture taught him by fiendolayhewho, and hurriedly jabbed the 'close' button. As the doors slid shut, an angry cry echoed down the hallway: "HEY!! These are bottle caps!! ...AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY LUNCH??"

                     *               *               *

The secretary peered over her glasses at the screen in front of her. "...Scrofulus?"

"That's Spookulus. And that's me," Spookulus admitted.

The secretary, without bothering to look up, said in a monotone, "Mr.Spellingisinameetingbutifyou'llcomebacklater-"

She was abruptly interrupted by Spookulus' hand slamming onto the table. "I'm sure he is. But just for a minute...??" Spookulus smiled winningly. Staring at him, mouth agape, the secretary nodded, and allowed him to pass, forgetting even to buzz him in.

The secretary's eyes followed him as he disappeared into the lair of Spelling...

                     *               *               *

The Demon leaned over his latest plot, carefully crafting the magic that made millions retch in disgust, and yet keep watching ...

"Spelling. I have come to summon you."

Spelling whirled about, a startled "So forth!" slipping past his lips.

"Spookulus! How did you get in here?"

Spookulus leaned against the wall smugly. "Veni, vidi, visa." (I came, I saw, I bought.)

Spelling hissed, displaying his immaculate teeth, and shook his fist at Spookulus, flourishing his gold Rolex in the process. "Bah! I should have known."

Spookulus, unimpressed, said, "I have to be going. It's not that often I'm in the position to get a doughnut." Whirling about, coincidentally flourishing the World Clock, he stepped to the door.

Spelling, held speechless at being ignored, finally managed, "But... but you can't do that!! You're in the script as being somewhere else!!"

Spookulus frowned. "Damn. Someday I've got to see more than one part of this series. ...Well, don't worry, Demon. Scripts exist to be Spun, after all."

And with that, Spookulus was gone.

And Spelling was left wondering why he was standing in a puddle.

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The tale continues with the... next episode!