Instant Coffee - a monologue

by Mr Badger

Now let's start from the beginning, a good place to start as most people's fingers lay there once they open a book. Yes, I do drink Instant Coffee for a few very good reasons.

1 I don't know about the rest of you heathens but I only have time for an Instant cup of the Life Essence first thing in the morning. It takes mere seconds and then it's done, sure the quality isn't the same as a percolated cup of the brew but hey so what. If you've time to make a percolated brew then WHY THE HELL DID YOU GET UP SO EARLY? Get up a bit later next time you idiot, your bed's there for a reason and if planned right there's someone on the other side fully ready to make the stay an enjoyable one. There will be no-one saying they set a machine to have it ready for them when they get up. By the Dark Gods themselves Coffee is to be made by a person and not by a Soulless machine. There is no glory in pushing buttons, there shall always be a human component in Coffee making.

2 A cup of Coffee is to be enjoyed, savoured and then consumed with a suitable show of reverence. To drink a cup of Instant is to show your body that all is not gold in the world. Your taste buds must be conditioned to enjoy the full blend of percolated. The way to do this is by letting them bathe in the pools of Instant, let them float within its bosom then later they will rejoice in the birth pains of a damn fine percolated cup. Instant is a show of contrasts and should not be culled from the palate just for its breeding or performance in the line of fire. If this was the case many of you reading this would be hanging from on top a pike, minus most of your body. Some of you wouldn't make the grade to be fodder in the Russian army of 1943. If I must suffer your existence then by all that's Coffee Instant can stand proud amongst its siblings.

There's nothing wrong with drinking Instant. The Path (s) Of Evil Percolations at high levels forbid it but I know I'm not at that stage of behaviour and anyone who says they are is but a Munchkin and will be treated accordingly.

I drink Instant Coffee, by choice rather than compulsion. I drink it while inebriated and when sober (it does happen). Get over it.