The Finnickety Bastard Drinking Game

as played/designed by Big Jobbs, Mr Badger and Handel W. Care

Needed: Much alcohol, an action movie or similar, a finnickety bastard.

Consume when the finnickety bastard:

Points out that the hero should:

  • Be out of ammo.
  • Have fallen down when shot in the leg.
  • Be unable to walk, let alone run on that shot leg.
  • Be pavement pizza after dropping that far.
  • Cut down on the steroids, as no one can have a body like that naturally.
  • Be sneaky, underhand and intelligent rather than taking out all the goons in a direct frontal assault.
  • Be dissected to see where he stores all that extra blood, 'cause he's bled enough to kill an elephant so far.
  • Stop breaking the laws of physics.
  • Be locked up for breaking the laws of the country, but hasn't been.
  • Go into show business with an act like that.
  • Just shoot that bad guy while he's talking
  • Kill the main bad guy in the first five minutes and get it over with.
  • Have just killed that guy with a hit like that
  • Have just have been killed by a hit like that
  • Just stop going in slow motion

Points out that the heroine should be:

  • More intelligent than that with the job she's supposed to have.
  • Less intelligent than that with the job she's supposed to have.
  • Able to take care of herself earlier in the movie, as she certainly kicks arse at the end.
  • Watching out or she'll take someone's eye out with those.
  • Counted as wearing a flackjacket, as those certainly can't be real.
  • Left to die, as what does the hero owe her anyway? He can get more women with the flick of his fingers, can't he?
  • Wearing more clothes than a bikini in winter.
  • Wearing less clothes.
  • Stop screaming - it doesn't help
  • Less willing to jump into bed with the hero

Points out that the Villian:

  • Should just shoot the cop
  • Has a really unrealistic world view

Consume twice when the bastard:

  • Gives the spec's of any piece of military hardware.
  • Engages in debate as to whether the military hardware could do that or not.
  • Tells the movie that they're wrong and that it's actually another type/version of military hardware.
  • Points out that that's the 3rd time they've used the same aerial shot in the combat sequences.
  • Comments on how unreal the special effects look
  • Points out continuity flaws
  • Points out bits of the set that are broken
  • Scoffs when a car explodes for no obvious reason
  • Points out that that car should be unable to run from the damage it has suffered.
  • Slags the martial arts style as being unrealistic / from the wrong era
  • Utters the phrase 'that can't have happened.'
  • Utters the phrase 'what's going to happen next is...'

Additionals for if you're still thirsty:

Consume..

  • when the hero has a flash back concerning the death/kidnapping/puree of his family/close friends/pets etc.
  • when some especialy cheesy special effects are on screen.
  • for obvious screen shots, eg blue screen or just a photo.
  • when the holes in the plot make movie watching painful, ie. to dull the pain.
  • when someone says a line from another movie. The "You're not my father" clause.
  • twice if the hero uses the sensitive approach to score the babe.
  • thrice if the hero uses the macho image to score the babe.
  • vessel if the hero uses the 'I'm no one special' approach to score the babe.
  • if the hero is carrying more equipment than a ute and still running.

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