The Path of Bloke

by Mr Badger

Mate, you are the greatest. It's just pure sexuality and grace pouring from your every move. Nothing can stand between you and destiny, not as long as you've some insulation tape and a broken bottle within reach. Antediluvian's? Pah! Bring them on and we'll see who's got the bollocks in the family! Love one's brother? Sounds like fag talk to me!
Get a load of the tits on that one! Wiggle over here love and I'll show you how a real man drinks! Don't like the look of the guy on your arm, bit faggy isn't he?

Nicknames : 'The Boys', 'The Lads', 'Blokes' or 'Sheilas'

Basic Beliefs : The way to peace and harmony is to be an arrogant, bully with the sense of etiquette a raging bull elephant would turn its nose up towards. Strength is the means of control, your own and others. If you find weakness in yourself or others it must be destroyed, through sarcasm or a smack on the head. With Unlife before you there is no reason to deny yourself - drink, vomit and drink again. You're a Vampire so of course there should be blood in it! Do what the inner voice tells you to - feed till you can feed no more, then feed again to show what you're made off. Someone gives you trouble, hit them and hit them hard. Strength is the only judge of respect. Everyone else are just girls. Put your money where your mouth is and you'd better be ready for a fight.

Ethics of the path : Never back down and never show weakness. You're the toughest and the greatest so prove it. Someone gets in your way cheapen their masculinity with taunts and hand gestures. If they stand before you still, hit them. Be a Master or be a Slave, the choice is yours.

History : There was a time long ago when a Brujah elder became sick of his Clan. He saw that they spent far too much time on learning and discussion and not enough time hitting people, he was of Norse decent as you could have guessed. Dissatisfied with the Roads/Paths available he took it upon himself to live the life of a true Brujah, so was the Path of Bloke created. Gone were the debates and fasting, in were the pursuits of beer bingeing and tool usage. Flowery words were replaced with 'damn and blasts' until each sentence sounded like a narration of a battle. Men were encouraged to become one with the Beast they carried in their hearts. Frenzy was not to be feared but encouraged, on the sports field at least. The Path found many followers who carried its teachings into the modern age.

Description of followers : Blokes are larger than life and twice as loud. They take on many forms but all are obnoxious if in close proximity. The Brujah Clan have the most Blokes with the Assamites and Malkavians along side. The Setites have few Blokes, as they are generally considered too slimy and hence girly. There are no Toreador Blokes, none. The entire Clan is incapable of being even a little bit Bloke like in behaviour. There was once a Ventrue Bloke but he drank from a homosexual and suffered such a degree of self-loathing he managed to explode into a shower of real Bloke confetti. The Antitribu Clans suffer the same penalties with the Tzimisce being too creepy to make real Blokes and the Lasombra adding only a select few to the ranks of Blokehood.

It may appear that the Path is only followed by Male vampires. This is indeed not at all the reality of the situation. Many females follow the Path, mostly better than the guys. Female Blokes are known as Sheilas and are only slightly less dangerous than a frenzied Garou which is really out to rip you a new arsehole. If a Sheila is found what ever you do DON'T piss it off. Being a woman, no matter what you do it will annoy her on some deep level unrecognisable by logic or experience. Face it, you'll be doomed but it'll be less painful if you at least try NOT to annoy her. She'll let you die eventually, so we hear..................

Hierarchy of Sins

10 Failing in anything.
9 Requiring thought before action
8 Grooming.
7 Using efficient communication.
6 Refusing to act for reasons like it's 'dangerous/unhealthy'.
5 Showing tolerance toward those who are 'different'.
4 Doing anything the 'easy' or 'common sense' way.
3 Solving an issue with words when hitting someone/something would work just as well.
2 Showing unBloke like emotions; like fear, pity, remorse, angst, etc.
1 Not mentioning your genitalia as often as required.

Notes:

1 Blokes are obsessed with their genitalia. It is the focus of their unlives as much as anything rational. They protect it and more often than not refer to it as a separate entity, eg. Mr Wobbly, Hercules, etc.

System: Followers of the Path must make mention or touch their genitalia at least once per Scene. If the opportunity to make a lewd reference arrives then it must be undertaken without delay. As the Path becomes stronger in a person they gain confidence in their actions. A notable master of this Rank, known as the fiend, can manifest an aura of lewd reference. As such he need not actually speak but people will always know what he was thinking at the time. Also followers of the Path must inspect their genitalia upon waking for the evening. This is a reflex action of most Blokes and involves a bit of a wiggle with a soothing tone of voice. Failure to make the Gonad check means the Bloke will be operating at -3 Willpower due to doubt and uncertainty.
2 Blokes can only show approved emotion in company. These emotions range along rage, anger, disgust, loathing, lust and desire. If a famous sports star should die/retire then a Bloke may shed a single tear or feel a little bit sad. If kicked in the genitalia then a Bloke may actually cry a little, but ONLY a little bit and it had better have been a decent blow which did it. A single tear from either eye is about it, no more.
5 By different this can mean: colour, race, religion, height, weight, fashion sense, sports team, physique, car they drive, their friends, music, place of birth, Clan, sexual orientation, age, and so on and so forth. Anyone who is different to a Bloke is to be ridiculed as often as possible. If the target is too different the person should be hit with something large and heavy, having sharp bits would be an advantage also.
7 Real Blokes don't call back, don't remember phone numbers or addresses. That's what friends are for after all. Using the phone too often can make one girly and so should be avoided, hence the no call back response.
Blokes develop an entire language all of their own. It mainly consists of grunts and growls with the often thrown in exhale of air from some orifice or other. Blokes have been known to hold entire conversations without an actual word being said by any participant. Blokes live in a world of their own and as such have terms of reference common only to them. The description of girly is used as often as possible to identify foreign or unknown traits amongst a Bloke's environment. Someone who drives slowly can be called girly as well as a building painted in a bright colour. Along the same lines is the term faggy. To be classified as faggy is an equivalent of having a Blood Hunt called against you. The same means of classification for girly is used for faggy, ie. any damn thing at all.
10 Real Blokes don't fail, at all, in anything. Blokes can build, fight, have sexual intercourse and generally eat anything they would ever want to. A Bloke can do any damn thing they put their minds to. Legends exist of Blokes building suspension bridges out of insulation tape and coat hangers, running 20 kilometres in 5 minutes, eating 38 large pizzas and still drinking 63 pints of lager. All these are true and many more. At this Rank of the Path of Bloke any form of failure means mental anguish and as such is not allowed.
Preferred Disciplines:
Fortitude and Potence, anything else is girly. Celerity is found sometimes but using it in battle is considered bad form: "What are you afraid of being hit or something?"
Special abilities:
Blokes gain a number of advantages to offset being such absolute gits.
Sense of Direction: Blokes don't have one, none at all. To let a Bloke navigate is to find all those back streets and alleys no one ever knew were around the place. Blokes have such a sense of adventure they never manage to get anywhere without trouble on the way. Hence they get lost on purpose and hope to get into a fight somewhere.
Listening: Blokes make great listeners. They can listen to a woman for hours on end like a puppy looking to be patted. Mainly they're look down the woman's top and not thinking a damn thing but that's what you get. Talking to a Bloke is best called talking at a Bloke as it's not like they're taking anything into that dark dwelling they call a brain now is it?
Absorb damage:At high ranks of the Path a Bloke may take wounds without penalty. That is, if they're real Blokes and not some try hard git who thinks they're tough. Incapacitated? Pah, I'll crawl on my lips and bite your legs off! This ability is given unto a Bloke to offset their lack of the Dodge skill. A Bloke can't dodge without appearing to be faggy and not wanting to get hurt. There are tales of Blokes having both legs ripped off while misusing a power drill who completed the bungalow and attached garage before healing the damage. Blokes just tape up the injury, if they're a little bit girly, and just carry on as if nothing happened.
Oblivious nature: On the face of it Blokes don't live in the same world as the rest of us. In their own little world they are but Gods amongst girly people. As such they miss a lot of the detail hidden in their environment. Blokes hide this by pretending to be deep in thought or drunk. Luckily the latter is quite often true as the former is but a fantasy.
Powering up: After the fifth rank of the Path a Bloke may start to temporarily exchange points of their Mental and Social statistics into their Physical statistic. One point from BOTH is added to the Physical statistic. If this power is used to the logical conclusion, logical for a Bloke that is, they'll soon have big nasty zeroes in Social and Mental while maxing out their Physical. If this is the case the Bloke is only capable of charging straight towards the nearest enemy shouting 'Muuuuuuuuuurgh!' or a near equivalent. Take the character sheet off the Player and beat them about the head with it till they repent.
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