Barking at the Moon: part 1

by Mr Badger

Some time ago our brave but not intellectually blessed heroes found the right stuff and made the Malkavian step forward into the cosmos. Manyadventures they had and many copyrights were infringed upon. But what happened afterward?

Handel sat staring at the empty rum bottle, hoping that willpower alone could refill it to usefulness once more. After a few minutes he tired of this game and went off to find adventure and excitement. On the way he heard the sound of what was obvious a person in great distress. Between all the screams came the gruff and booming voice that could only belong to a Badger. Mr Badger was sitting at an outside cafe with a dishevelled man in black clothing. Sweat was pouring off this guy's face and he continually glanced around as if he was afraid of something.

"Hey man! Pull up a chair and a brew," called Mr Badger.

Handel did just that before attempting to gain the attention of the passing waiter. After a few unsuccessful attempts he gave up in disgust. "Forget that Handel, watch this," chuckled Mr Badger as he grabbed the other person at the table by his soaked collar.

"Make my friend some Rum," threatened Mr Badger.

The little man whimpered a bit and then started to cry as Badger extended his claws. After a dramatic scene involving this stranger crying like a girl he eventually knotted his brows in concentration. On the table in front of the pair of Vampires a haze rose form the surface and quickly formed into a large jug of Rum. As soon as the Rum was formed the little man shuddered in pain and started to cry again.

Handel and Badger laughed at this as those bloody Mages are always thinking themselves so high and mighty. After a few minutes the Mage came back to his senses and looked at the Vampires with fear mixed in with a lot of impatience. After letting him recover Badger found his own vessel empty and declared that since the first was so nice he'd like another coffee.

"Oh no, please no. They'll came after me again, please stop," begged the Mage.

Badger chuckled and watched the Mage go to his work. Just as the jug of coffee was finished from out of nowhere came a strange individual with eyes of pure blackness.

"Sorry mate, you must be looking for Omnicynic. He's a bit further north and to the right, can't miss him." Explained Badger.

The spirit laughed but suddenly stopped and stared at the Mage. "Who's been a naughty boy then?" Asked the Spirit. "Mind if I borrow him for a little while? We're going to have a wee chat about abusing the laws of Casualty." Explained the Spirit to the Vampires.

"No, go right ahead. Could you bring him back when you're finished? Really saves on the shopping and his whimpering helps me concentrate," asked Mr Badger.

The Spirit shook his head and vanished with the Mage. "Oh bugger it. Have to find another one now, they wear out so fast these days."

As they sat drinking their beverages of choice Handel felt a chill wind blow across him. Hoping that it wasn't Badger after another 'just a curry before drinking' episode he looked up and was glad that he didn't have to breath but by choice. Glancing around he noticed that all the other diners appeared to be frozen in time. No one moved and across the way was a bottle of wine being poured. Generally this wouldn't be a concern but the liquid was suspended in mid air and showed no sign of falling like it is generally agreed that it should at most times. "Ah, Badger. Something seem strange to you?" Asked Handel.

Mr Badger looked up and sighed with relief. "Was hoping you noticed that as well. Thought it might be a Celerity flashback again. Really hate those things," replied Badger.

Before they could do anything more a large shadow crossed their table. It waited for a few minutes for them to notice it but being male the two Vampires were oblivious to anything not directly in front of them. Eventually the shadow cleared its throat and was pleased to see the two Vampires jump in surprise.

Looking up Badger saw that this hulking figure was dressed in a designer suit but under the cologne was the unmistakable scent of wolf. The Garou nodded as Badger frowned at him.

"Yes, I am of Gaia. My name is Anal-Retentive-Bastard and I represent the legal division of the protectors of Gaia."

Moving to one side another person was revealed. This one seemed oily and unwholesome. It grinned as it introduced itself and Badger was treated to a view of more teeth then even he has and all sharper then a free set of really sharp steak knives.

Handel looked at the figure also but used his mighty powers of Auspex. The lights from the building dimmed as all available power was channelled into Handel's senses. Handel concentrated and soon could see the auras that surround all things. He gasped as he saw that this second figure wasn't being shown at all. As he sat gasping Mr Badger sighed and rotated Handel's chair until he was pointing at where this second strange figure was now sitting after moving around the table. Handel sighed in relief as now hew could see its aura. "Fae, definitely Fae," mumbled Handel.

"Why yes indeed," said this second figure. "Pooka variety to be precise and we must be precise if one is to be correct after all."

Handel shook his hand and was disgusted as it felt oily to the touch. With the oily skin, many teeth in a face too wide to pull off that sort of smile and in the presence of a Garou lawyer Mr Badger concluded that this Fae must be a lawyer also. Particularly a Shark-Leech cross breed. This made this figure more dangerous than the Garou and far more effective as a lawyer. Handel was impressed at Badger's reasoning skills until he looked over and saw all Badger was doing was reading off the Pooka's business card.

"Other than wanking on about your Gifts or Bunks what do you want? This isn't about the Mage is it?" Asked Badger.

The Garou opened his brief case and took out a file labelled 'Cases pending.' Out of this he took a number of photos which were shown to the Malkavians. The first showed a large Vessel resting against a field of stars and another showed a picture of the Moon.

Mr Badger gulped as he saw the name on the vessel was 'Badgerstar Garlic-Dracula.'

"Yes, I see you recognise it then. And pray tell can you remember what happened next?" Asked the Garou.

Handel and Mr Badger nodded vigorously and replayed the scene using the salt and pepper shakers, two knives, a grape fruit and the ears off a diner at the next door table.

"Then we abandoned ship and the Badgerstar slammed right into the puppy. Last we saw was the Moon drifting off away from us. Can't have been too bad as it's up there now still," said Handel as he pointed up at the sky.

The Garou growled and shoved another photo at the pair. This was of a large inflatable beach ball with a bicycle pump attached to it. The ball was painted like the Moon and in front of it sat a very large magnifying glass.

"This is what we have been using for the time being until it can be retrieved. Some 'friends' from the Void Engineers have loaned us some gravity generators for the time being so tides aren't interfered with. So far all attempts to bring the Moon back have failed as the Fae still on it have taken to wearing flares, jump suits and they think it's 1999 or something. Mad the lot of them. Call it Moonbase Alfalfa or something?" Explained the Garou. "As the last legal owners of that flying monstrosity and as you admit the collision was indeed your fault we present you with this supoena to report to a Small Caerns Court at the start of the New Moon. You have until that time to present your defence. We will come for you when the time is right, don't even think of running as this time you're messing with the big boys."

With that the Garou nodded and Macarena'd sideways into the Umbra. His Fae companion nodded also but only caught a cab. Around them all returned to normal, normal that is except for the person at the next table who suddenly found themselves missing their ears. As the waiters rushed to his aid the two Vampires left to consider a plan of action.

"We're stuffed if we fight this alone. We're going to need some help and this help is going to have to understand Garou and Fae relations," said Handel as Badger nodded alone with him.

"I know just the person!" Shouted Badger and Handel in unison. They shook hands and promised to meet the night before the New Moon with their counsel.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Part Two