The dog sniffed slowly as it caught a whiff of its play thing. The feline
had been caught red pawed on a lawn not its own. The dog panted with
exertion as it had chased this particular cat half way across the
neighbourhood. Barks-In-A-Minor let his tongue hang out as he caught his
breath. The chase had been good, a good chase as chases go and as they go
this was a good chase. Very good, better than some and not as bad as a few
which were worse then this one which was a good chase. Very good as they go
(dogs are so dumb). The cat was cornered now, there was nowhere for it to
run so Barks-In-A-Minor let his nose hang toward the ground. The scent was
strong, the cat had to be just around the corner. No doubt sitting on
something high thinking Barks-In-A-Minor couldn't get at him. Well
Barks-In-A-Minor was a smart dog, so says the monkey man each night. 'Good
boy' says the monkey man as Barks-In-A-Minor gets his ears rubbed and a bowl
of food. Barks-In-A-Minor can jump real high so the cat was going to be
punished for its lawn crimes. There was a slight tapping of claws on
concrete so Barks-In-A-Minor paused for a moment listening. Wagging his tail
Barks-In-A-Minor muffled a 'yelp' of joy in a slobber of drool. The cat was
around the corner for certain! Leaning back for a moment Barks-In-A-Minor
launched himself around the corner with bark after bark echoing around the
street. Barks-In-A-Minor looked around for the cat barking all the while.
Instead of the turtleshell cat Barks-In-A-Minor saw a very big black and
white cat. This cat was as big as Barks-In-A-Minor was himself! A huge cat
with little blue eyes. Barks-In-A-Minor was confused and skidded to a halt
next to the big black and white cat. Seeing the cat rear up in fright
Barks-In-A-Minor snuck around behind it to smell its backside. The last
thing Barks-In-A-Minor saw was a large furred arm swing in front of his
face.
Looking down at the cooling dog corpse Badger waved to the cat that it was
safe to come down. #Idiot!# Thought Badger to the cat as he cleaned his
claws with a lick.
#Tell me about it, you didn't have to live with it# Answered the cat with a
purr. #See you later. Got to go eat his food before anyone finds out its
'run away' again.# With that the cat trotted off in the direction it had
recently gone.
____________________________________________
Handel rolled over in his sleep. The pungent sea air he loved so much
filled
his nostrils like a leaking pen fills someone's shirt pocket, a blue pen
because the ocean was involved after all. With a moan and a chorus of silly
noises Handel went back to sleep. Just before he returned to the dream with
the seven mermaids, the stricken Rum tanker, the brave and bearded sea
captain and the very full moon Handel felt he wasn't alone. You don't get
to be as an advanced age as Handel was without learning a few basic
precautions. One of these is the seventh sense. Not the sixth sense as only
cats and women have that. The seventh sense is saved for two occasions,
generally abundant in situations involving a bloke. 1- The realisation
you've just done something very bad. 2- Sensing the presence of someone
nearby who will witness you doing or having done a very bad thing. Teenage
males wish their abilities with the second category were more powerful then
they generally are, especially around their mothers or room mates.
Sleepily opening one eye Handel saw the golden fur of his childhood dog
'Muffy.' "Muffy!" Moaned Handel as he reached out to pat his childhood
companion (his other companion was a Brontosaurus). Running his hands
through Muffy's fur Handel sighed with pleasure. This pleasure rapidly
vanished as the fur came way in his hand. Throwing himself out of bed with a
shriek Handel looked at the now apparent bloody mess of fur on his bed.
Rubbing his eyes in shock Handel pulled open his curtains, just in time to
catch the last ray of a setting sun right in the eyeballs.
"Bright light
pierce my brain!" Shouted Handel in his usual overly dramatic style. Pulling
the curtains shut again Handel swayed his way towards the light switch. With
the light enhancing Handel's incredible powers of observation, any more
powerful and Handel could count the stiches on an electron's wallet as it
spun behind the nucleus, he could make out the bloody mess of dog fur
moving with a wheeze. Reaching out an unsteady hand Handel ripped the dog
fur off the bed. Underneath where generally you'd find a whole lot of very
unhealthy dog, if that dog was the one who's skin was not sitting on the
floor without it, was a blood stained black and white animal. A casual
observer would have thought the animal was having an asthma attack but
Handel knew better. "Badger! You bastard!" Screamed Handel as he leapt on
top of the suspiciously Badger shaped creature, for that was what it was.
Handel landed on the blood stained sheets as his target was already gone.
Rolling over to look around Handel felt five sharp daggers land on his back.
In Handel's ear there was a low growl and the sour smell of roasted coffee
beans. "Get your own damn beer," muttered Handel as he pointed to the
fridge. There was a sudden release of pain as the claws were retracted then
a solid thud on the floor as the Badger wandered off in search of alcohol.
Handel got to his feet and stretched the back to work out the abused
muscles. "Ever heard of Jenny Craig?" Muttered Handel to the Badger's back.
Handel turned around to look for some clean clothes when the Badger gave
it's answer. The answer was in the form of a chilled pressurised cylinder
containing a fermented product, to the back of the head. Swearing once more
Handel rubbed the back of his head and picked up the beer can. "Cheers."
After cleaning up the room and finding something to wear Handel sat down in
the lounge and glared at his 'house guest.' "Well, after that graceful
awakening what is it exactly you want this time?" Asked Handel.
The Badger
cocked its head for a moment. Lifting its back leg upward the Badger gave
his neck a very vigorous scratch. After a few moments of scratching an
envelope flew out from the folds of the Badger's neck. Handel grimaced
slightly at the smell but picked up the envelope anyway. "If you should find
a cask of Rum in there at any time, please feel free to keep it to
yourself." Muttered Handel. Looking at the envelope Handel found it
contained an invitation. An invitation in name only as the language used
inside it was as much to an invitation as an air strike is to a notice of
trespass. A demand comes close but a threat of major bodily harm would come
closer even still. "You Sabbat types always this diplomatic?" Asked Handel.
The Badger smiled as much as a badger can. The room was suddenly filled with
the sound of a balloon noisily deflating. Handel screwed up his noise in
horror as the stench made its violent way across the room. Coughing as his
lungs offered their complaint to the abuse coming their way Handel gave up
entirely on the breathing to speak thing as he threw open every window he
could find. #I'll take that as a yes then shall I?#
Switching the air conditioning to purge helped a little bit and soon Handel
was able to talk without the room's fire alarms continuously going off.
"It's a meeting thing, I'd have thought you'd rather die than take a humble
ol'Cammy pawn like me along with you?" Asked Handel. The Badger shrugged and
continued to carve a sculpture dedicated to war out of an antique piano.
Turning toward Handel the Badger jumped on top of the coffee table. Holding
its jaw the Badger waggled it up and down vigorously before grabbing his
rear end and goose stepping around the table. Stopping next to Handel the
Badger pointed towards Handel's chest with one paw. "Oh, you do remember the
Primogen meeting the other month. I suppose it's only fair I go to one of
yours for a change. When are we leaving?" Asked Handel. In reply the Badger
threw Handel the pirate's own car keys. "And I get to drive, this
gets better."
The meeting was to be held in the middle of a deserted warehouse, like all
clandestine meetings seem to be. The Setites had booked out the Dock
Unloading platform for their monthly meeting, the Assamites had prebooked
the abandoned still operating chemical factory, the Ventrue had the airport
booked solid for the rest of the year and the graveyards were for formal
occasions only. This left the warehouse district for tonight's meeting. Not
as bad as warehouses go, all the walls were in place and no-one had
mistakenly placed any kidnapping victims and count down explosives in it
like last years fiasco. The Mafia had been every so apologetic about gate
crashing the event during the day. Paid for all the damages as well which
was nice of them really.
Handel and the Badger were the last to arrive,
there had been a dreadful queue at the bottle store on the way through. It
had taken only a little effort to convince the clerk Handel was sight
impaired and needed a seeing eye Badger to get around the place. Handel
couldn't help but make the situation worse for the clerk by getting into the
back seat of his car and letting Badger drive out of the car park. The look
on the clerks face made the inner terror at Badger's driving well worth it.
Funnily enough this Badger was a better driver than the usual one.
"Welcome Malkavian to our gathering, I hope we haven't inconvenienced you
with our waiting," snarled the leader of this gathering. This year the
Lasombra were the hosts, the year before the Tzimisce. Next year it was the
Tremere, no-one was looking forward to that date rolling around
again. Too
much chanting and hand waving, all that incense getting into your clothes
and that dim lighting just really got irritable after a while. "Join the
circle and speak your name so that we may know you for your renowned."
Handel shrugged and took his place in the circle of Sabbat Vampires. No-one
seemed to recognise that he wasn't Badger so Handel assumed this must be one
of those exchange meetings. Quite a sociable bunch the Sabbat can be at
times. "My name is Omnicynic, I am most powerful and dangerous to behold.
Beware all who cross my path as I am really, really powerful." Intoned
Handel. At his feet the Badger opened its mouth in a not quite silent fit
of laughter. When regaining his composure the Badger had to support himself
on Handel's leg.
"Yes well, never heard of you I'm afraid. Rather provincial are you? No
matter, we are here to discuss an important situation that demands our
attention. Since the creation of our Sect records have been kept. They tell
of all that has happened and all we have learnt. They tell of who we are and
who we were. They tell the names of our enemies and the names of our
enemies' friends. They tell of battles won and of battles lost. They tell of
the times to come when we must be strong and they tell of times past when we
were weak. These records are vital if we are to continue with the fight that
we know we must. The fight for freedom and the fight for survival."
Addressed the Lasombra leader to the crowd.
"Records you say? Information is it? Things to learn? Names and places?"
Asked Handel as one of his cheeks twitched like the nose on a rabid hamster.
"Where are these records? Just asking by the way."
"That's the reason for this meeting. Some swine has stolen them!" Snarled
the Lasombra. The Badger quickly dodged to one side as Handel fainted from
built up suspense that had been so cruelly shattered. As Handel regained his
feet and wiped his brow the leader continued. "It was a blond Vampire of
indeterminate age. We have proof of this description from the hair she shed
during her crime. Some vile Magick has been cast upon this hair so all were
could determine from it was her gender and Blood Line. We have proof it was
a Vampire from Clan Tremere who committed this crime. As a Sect we can not
survive without these records. Go forth and find these records. The criminal
is to be disposed of at our leisure. Return here when you have the records,
the criminal or any information leading to the same."
Handel nodded and kicked the Badger towards the door. "Is it true that the
entire Sabbat could fall if these books aren't recovered?" Asked Handel. The
Badger shook it's head and made up and down motions over it's groin with a
cupped paw. The Badger then pointed towards the room containing the Lasombra
leader. "Ah, just someone wanking along trying to be melodramatic. Fair
enough, still wouldn't mind a little peek at a book or two, just for
curiosity's sake." The Badger made a loud snorting noise and followed behind
Handel towards the place the records had last been kept. The record chamber
smelt like an old crypt. Dust lay across the floor in undisturbed piles left
by the passing of time. A trail of footsteps led towards an altar in the
middle of the room. This footsteps were small and curved at the heel. Using
his keen hunting instincts Handel deduced they were made by a woman.
Creeping forward slowly Handel followed the trail till his head hit the
altar.
Rubbing his head Handel examined the area the records supposedly lay
until a
short time ago. Clearly silhouetted by dust was the outline of where a large
rectangular object had once been. Trapped in the corners of the book stand
were a number of pale blond strands. Taking one in hand Handel sniffed it's
length to discover the secrets of the strand's owner. Sensing nothing Handel
passed the stand down to the Badger, hoping the mammal's keen nose might pick
up something he missed. Hearing munching sounds Handel swore but refused to
look down, easier on his temper this way.
Handel stroked his beard in thought. Something didn't seem right. This Sect
claimed to have been operating for hundreds of years. This temple hidden
away in the warehouse district smelt that old but something just didn't add
up. Looking around with a gaze powerful enough to cause moths to explode
into flame at its touch Handel closely examined the room. A sharp pain on
his leg made Handel yelp and suddenly look down. The Badger was staring up
at him with a bored expression on its face.
"Yes?" Asked Handel in a
patronising tone. Refusing to jump to the bait the Badger pointed towards
the altar with a clawed finger (doesn't have any thumbs). Handel narrowed
his eyes and stared back with hands on his hips. "Well?"
Sighing in disgust
the Badger leapt forwards and tore the side out of the wooden altar. Turning
the chunk of wood over the Badger threw the siding at Handel. There printed
in a dark scorch mark was the manufacturer's brand. "Timberlands, 1982."
Handel looked down and smiled at the Badger like this discovery was all his
own. "Well, well, well. Seems our little Packmates are a little more recent
in lineage then we thought. For something that is supposedly hundreds of
years old this building is remarkably well renovated." Handel laughed and
high fived (low fived more like) the Badger. Holding his hand between his
legs in pain Handel let his body coat over the slash wounds with new skin
and tissue. Kicking the side of the altar back into shape Handel and the
Badger left through the front door.
"The evening's been a bit of a pisser so
far, want to catch a beer on the way home?" Asked Handel. The Badger was
already levering the boot of the car open to get at the booze already
purchased.
Later that night the pair sat on a river bank staring at a collection of
empty beer cans and the night sky. Looking at the label on the can Handel
jumped upright as all the facts joined together. A blond woman, of Clan
Tremere, obsessed with secrets and prone to shedding hair like only a Saint
Bernard could imagine. Looking to share the news with his companion Handel
found the Badger was smiling at him again with a mocking look in it's eyes.
As Handel watched the Badger opened his mouth. On the Badger's tongue was
the blond strand of hair, playfully knotted till it formed the letter 'B.'
"I wonder what she's going to do when she finds out the Book is just a big
fake? That she's going to be a little upset is an understatement. Oh well,
maybe there'll be some interesting stories inside, or some pretty pictures.
If we wait long enough we could probably hear the screams from here," said
Handel as he grinned.
Handel leaned back and looked at the stars. "She's a clever lass,
wonder how
she never picked up the whole room was a fake?" The Badger dragged a table
cloth across the ground. On top of the covering sat a number of food items,
some still steaming. It was obvious the Badger had stolen this from so where
but smelling the food made Handel more than a little peckish. "Yes Badger,
thank you for the picnic and you're right........"
Handel paused for a moment before continuing. "........we're just smarter
than the average Bere."
