Catnip's Badger, or The Best Laid Plans................
by Mr Badger
Incense filled the air with a presence that could be felt, tasted and smelt. Thick and cloying the smoke drifted till there was no escape within these walls from the filmy tendrils. The room's surrounds were covered with candles, set an exact distance from each other as if to some pattern known only to the designer. Emerald green drapes covered all the windows, to keep out the light and to shield the actions within this room from any observer not wanted or warranted. The innocent and the ignorant often were unwilling participants but the necessary parts of the Rites meant they were not about at Rite end to comment. No comment other than a final curse, denial or scream.
Such a Rite had just been completed this night; the remains were still left where they fell about the room. The open gashes had stopped their organic steaming but the smell of a violent death was barely masked by the ever present incense. A hiss of boiling liquid entered the senses, a sound of bubbling and escaping gases. In the centre of the room a figure wrapped in a white enveloping bolt of linen crouched down on one knee. From a bowl held between the feet the figure dipped her hand into the ruddy contents. Once the hand was enveloped, stained and dripping from the innocent blood within the bowl, the expressionless woman held up her other hand and carved a thin slice down her own arm. Her Blood mixed with the blood of the slain innocent till they intermingled and dripped to the flagstones below. It was the mixed Blood/blood that was causing the noise, as if the Vampiric taint and the innocent's Soul were battling in an even competition, released from the bodies of both. The Blood/blood mixture boiled and seethed on the ground, twisting and fuming till it was half consumed by its own actions and half drained into the ground by the stone itself. Satisfied with what she saw the woman climbed to her feet and summoned her servants. The Ritual could now begin - she had His name.
K'Padger had been a Cappadocian of much power and knowledge. The secrets that one Vampire had collected had been wide ranging in their scope and brilliant in a way only the truly gifted could manage. There had since been few of His calibre, many attempted to carry His research further, to work out the inner meanings behind the words. If any had succeeded they did not make public their discoveries. K'Padger had been slain by His own carelessness. Mindful of only His research into the Grave that calls us all K'Padger had taken little notice of the political climate making its way across the countryside. The fortunes of the Court had changed and K'Padger had been killed by His very own servants as He worked to completion. K'Padger had been a Master of the Summoning Art, if someone were to pass on to the other side intact it would have been He.
Like all of the Cappadocians K'Padger had been very careful of concealing His True Name, the better to defend oneself against the exact thing He researched to do to others. Without the True Name the manipulation of the Soul was that much more difficult. Now Julianna, a Giovanni of no small power herself, had successfully sent a messenger across the Shroud. Julianna's contacts beyond had achieved their aim, to discover the True Name of K'Padger. Julianna had no qualms about using the name given by the messenger, if the Ritual of Summoning was to fail the spirits would receive their punishments post haste. They knew better than to attempt subterfuge at this level of the Game. Julianna was satisfied. Her belief that K'Padger had passed through and worked still at the Arts from the other side had been correct. Now she possessed the means to Summon Him back to this world, under her command He would work again but for the will of another. Julianna returned to her crypt to rest and restore her energies. The next night was to be a trying one.
Once she rose Julianna began the preparations. Most of the work had already been completed previously. Julianna had been certain of her success and had started the ground work many nights before. Now all that remained was the completion of a suitable vessel for K'Padger to inhabit, and the Summoning itself. The vessel in this instance had once been alive, in fact had been alive in many forms. It was a composite design, different components from different creatures and people. Now it was two and a half metres tall with the arms of a bear, with the notable exception of human hands. The body was broader than an ordinary human's, as it had once been part of two different people and now was moulded into one larger creature. The body had to be powerful to survive the stresses of Summoning yet not overwhelming enough for Him to escape confinement. Julianna finished the consecration Rite, the body was empty but not for long.
The last step in the Ritual was the summoning itself. In the same room that Julianna had sent her messengers through the Shroud was one to return, the One she sought all those years. The Sanctum had been decorated to her wishes during the day. Now it remained empty of any distracting influences. The Ritual had to be exact, precisely enacted or it would all be for naught. The only observer was to be Seath, Julianna's only true companion through the night, her cat. Seath had been alive for over 120 years now, kept youthful by Julianna's own Blood. Faithful and composed as always Seath had shown Julianna that no matter what the demands or strictures one must follow for success there is always the uncaring eye of the universe watching, the slightest mistake could be fatal. Seath was her guide. A guide to show that no matter how one may feel they are still nothing in the eyes of others. Seath was Julianna's humility.
One the room was sealed Julianna began with the Ritual's climax. The room was warded to protect against unwelcome intrusion, no Spirit was to take chance in to its own hands and inhabit the body. Only one Spirit was welcome and with His True Name inscribed into the vessel the invitation could not be refused. The process was slow, Julianna had to inscribe His name with her own Blood given freely. With life from life may death escape death. The Spirit could feed of the stolen life from the Vampiric Blood and remain this side of the Shroud. The Blood was given form by Julianna's own will. One slip and the form would be lost, the True Name not shown clearly and the Summons ignored. This would not be allowed. Julianna was weary once the task was completed. The True Name lay inscribed along the vessel's flanks correctly. With a final rub across Seath's relaxed head Julianna began to chant the opening sequence of the Ritual. A gateway would be opened and through it He would come. The Ritual began in earnest.
At this point Mr Cock Up and his good friends Mr Screw Up, Mr Murphy and Mr Whoops came for a visit. While Julianna was breaching the very fabric of the universe, like these Cultists always seem to do with alarming regularity, Seath took matters into his own hands. Not being the one to take being ignored well Seath showed his impatience by flicking his tail back and forth. After a mighty yawn of indifference Seath curled up beside a candelabra, with tail ,still flicking. The steady impact of the weighty tail caused the candelabra to vibrate, a luminescent droplet of molten wax was thrown over towards the waiting vessel. Hitting the side of the vessel without a sound the wax cooled as it dripped to the floor. Unbeknownst to Julianna the True Name crafted out of her Blood no longer called for K'Padger, but for Badger.
They should really teach people about this sort of thing in Summoning School. Sure, they always cover such topics as 'ritual sacrifice, get a screamer as they're all ways entertaining while they wait.' Or 'answering the door bell, the middle of the Ritual is not the best time (secondary course to Getting an Answering Machine as you know it makes sense). Advanced people get to learn tongue twisting techniques for saying those long and boring names which have far to many of all the wrong letters in them. Where do all the people with the easy to say names go? Why is there never a "I Summon thee Steve!" It's always these idiots who didn't have the common decency to have a hyphen in their name to help you pronounce it. It's just pure selfishness I tell you, the dead just don't care. Anyway, the point being made, and there is one for a change, is that someone should teach these magus type people to have a quick look around the pentagram, or the protective circle before they get too carried away to see if there's any really major problems. The sort of problems that means the forfeit of your soul. The sort of problems where it's time to be torn into a pile of shredded gore by the thing you summoned by accident that is not your dead mother. Or maybe mother-in-law as they just get plain nasty when they die. Julianna did not check, before she finished. Whoops.
____________________________________________
Mr Badger reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer from the many of that variety within. It was a nice beer, chilled but not frozen, full and not opened and ready to hand rather than at the bottle store doing no one any good. As beer goes this one was looking good. Mr Badger looked up as he heard the rustle of leaves. Muttering about how quick the seasons are these days Mr Badger gave the matter not another thought. Suddenly a well un-used part of the brain slammed itself into gear and raised the alarm for the rest of the brain. While leaf sounds are generally acceptable and can be ignored now was the time to raise that eyebrow and take time to ponder. The majority of Mr Badger's brain grudgingly admitted that there might be some sense in the other bit's claims and acknowledged that it would act on the matter as soon as convenient. The common sensed part of the brain smiled smugly to itself and went back to sleep, all tired out after its big day. "Bloody hell," muttered Mr Badger as he quickly looked up. It wasn't the leaves sound that caused the problem as much as it was Summer, he was inside and doesn't have a garden at all let alone one with trees in it. The neighbours don't have any close trees either, a few midnight urination warfare escapades soon killed all those too close for comfort. Better than 2-4-5-T is day old Curry and Stout once the stomach and bladder's finished with them.
Mr Badger nodded as indeed the source of the noise was worth investigating. As Mr Badger was swept up by a green miniature tornado that appeared from out of thin air in front of him Badger swore he could hear someone calling his name. As he vanished into the gateway Mr Badger grumbled. "First person to call me Dorothy gets a kick in the head."
____________________________________________
Julianna staggered back in effort as the Ritual was complete. A raging torrent of green energy was flickering into existence around the empty vessel. It was working, it was working! Julianna smiled thinly, the only outward sign she would give that she was pleased with events. The energy storm arched into the vessel then exploded outwards in a teaming rain about the room. The protective circle grew in luminesce as it took the strain of holding the 'guest' within its confines. As with all summoning it is always best to confine the Spirit till it was able to comprehends its surrounding once more. They are often violent and generally confused at first. The more violent the initial summoning the more agitated they are. A Spirit that comes willingly rather than being forced is quick to recover. One that has been called forth by its True Name will be less than underwhelmed at the attention. He was sure to be one of the latter.
Julianna stepped back into the middle of the room and gazed into the circle. Blinking Julianna could see the vessel had been cracked open and lay steaming. As the final dazzling remains of the gateway vanished Julianna looked at her work for the evening, she looked at the One she had sought. "Welcome back Oh Great.........holy shit who are you?"
Mr Badger looked at the woman staring at him with wide eyes. The obvious answer to her question was "Your worst nightmare" but that's more than a little cliched and must be avoided. The next alternative was "The last thing you see before you die" but being a fair sport as it goes that was a little bit wanky when you want to play with your food first. There's always "God sent me" but unless you can look suitably pious it just doesn't work really. Mr Badger rubbed his chin and settled for the truth. "Pissed off, getting worse by the minute."
Julianna stood in shock, That was not K`Padger! That was some form of Hairy Daemon from Beyond the Pale! How could the Ritual have gone so wrong, how could it have gone astray? How could this be kept out of the Press? There was a sudden crackle of electricity as the protective circle was threatened. "Shit! Ow!" Snarled the Hairy Daemon from Beyond the Pale as it attempted to step out of the circle. "Nasty, haven't felt that sort of thing since the last time I pissed on one of those ticking fences on the farm." Showing that brawl is much easier to attempt than being clever Mr Badger punched the 'walls' of the circle for a while. Each time he was rewarded with a bit of singed hair, a violent cracking noise and a success rate for escape that could only be recorded on the score sheet as bugger all tending towards sweet FA.
This gave time for Julianna to recover her composure. "Oh Hairy Daemon from Beyond the Pale, your powers are not strong enough to escape my wards. Surrender to my bidding and I shall release you. A year of service is what the scrolls say is owed to me!" Shouted Julianna is her best attempt at sounding in control voice.
Mr Badger was less than impressed at this whole state of affairs. Kicking around the ground Mr Badger uncovered his still unopened beer lying in the middle of what looked like a family sized roast wildebeest with a side order of just strange icky bits. Cracking open the beer and downing the contents Mr Badger was quiet impressed with the tiny shower of silvery powder the empty can turned into when thrown through the walls of the hot burny thing. "Hmmmm, could use one of these things around the house on the weekends. Save on rubbish bags for sure."
Julianna was used to be ignored by Seath but a Hairy Daemon from Beyond the Pale is just another thing all together! This was intolerable. "So, you attempt to try my patience oh Hairy Daemon from Beyond the Pale? We shall see who is the master of this situation. In that circle you shall stay till you feel the rays of the sun burn the very flesh from your Beyond the Pale bones. I shall return in one hour to hear your surrender." With that Julianna stormed out of the Sanctum to calm down. "Bugger," she muttered as she closed the door.
Mr Badger looked around as he tried to come up with a plan to get out of here. The room was bare of anything really useful. A flicker of movement caught Mr Badger's eye. In the corner sat a glowing pair of eyes attached to a furred body. "Hey bud, wouldn't want to come over here and break a little ward would you?" Asked Mr Badger in a kind voice. Seath flicked an ear and yawned. "Thought not, I bet it'd be another story if there was tuna in the making wouldn't it my little four legged extortionist?" Mr Badger chuckled to himself at the irony of the situation when an idea flickered into existence. Luckily enough the past weekend had been a washing day and inside his jacket pocket was a freshly laundered handkerchief. Taking out the handkerchief Mr Badger lay it on the ground near the front of the circle. Seath looked across with interest but made no move. Mr Badger smirked to himself and completed the trap. Neatly folding the handkerchief into a small square Mr Badger made a great act of smoothing its surface until it was perfectly flat.
Seath was greatly intrigued. The small square of linin was obscene in its cleanliness. Vile in its appearance and horrid in its form! That little square of linin was an abomination and needed to be removed before Seath could sleep soundly. Getting up with a stretch Seath slowly padded across the floor towards the Monster that Lay Nearby. With a final leap Seath landed on top of the folded handkerchief, shedding fur for all he was worth and kneading the material till not a clean fold could be found. With the universe safe again against the enemy known as Clean Washing Seath curled up and went back to sleep. The important part of the series of events was as Seath leapt he past over the protective circle boundary. With a snap of arcing energy the circle dimmed till it faded away to nothing. Giving the cat a scratch on the back of the head as he past Mr Badger went off to have a word with his 'hostess'.
____________________________________________
They found Julianna a week later. She had been suspended upside down inside the kitchen. Smeared across her body was the contents of the fridge and all the cupboards. It appeared Julianna had kept a well stocked larder for her Mortal or Ghouled servants. All of the foodstuffs had been pushed against her body every centimetre of her skin had been covered. Seath had been well fed that week. All the servants told the same story, the Mistress had told them all to go while she worked. The story was identical down to the last detail, too identical to be anything but an implant. Julianna herself could not answer sometime during her confinement her mind had broken. A week of being trapped, a week of being a living food bank, a week of being licked by a cats tongue with her only bridge to the outside world being the same cat's purring. They suspect it was the tongue that did it. Julianna kept mumbling the something over and over again. "Sorry I've got the wrong number, sorry I've got the wrong number, sorry I've got the wrong number, sorry I've got the wrong number................................"
Beyond the Shroud a Spirit was laughing, and working.
Mr Badger sat down and finally had that quiet beer, then the phone rang.....................
______________________________________________________________________________________
