Double Trouble, of a Paler Variety: Part One

by Mr Badger and Handel W. Care

Through the darkness of a perfectly clear night the magnificent automobile raced, a predator to make others on the roads cower in obeisance. Swiftly outstripping the lesser lights around it the high performance vehicle seemed to almost ride upon the air than the ground, each twist and turn of the road corrected for without need for any red eyed brake lights to colour the night's stillness left in its wake. Surely here was a machine and driver given to command, the ultimate symbiosis of flesh and metal.

The explosion came as something of a surprise, and could be seen for miles in any direction.

Lamar looked away from the window with sadness. It would be foolish to stand to close, inviting another attack like the first would be sheer folly. The bullet had caused him great unpleasantness but was hardly fatal. The outcome would have been far different if he had not turned at the last minute. Hitting his chest was nothing compared to the outcome if the bullet had contacted his head instead.

Lamar sat down at his desk and pulled up the sleeve of his jacket. Unbuttoning the shirt cuff it too was rolled up till the raw flesh of the arm was exposed. The last attack upon his person had been far closer to succeeding. Even after a week the last of the damage was still to be healed.

Sebastian, Lamar's bodyguard, had been livid after the first attack. After the fourth which had come so close to being fatal Sebastian had been near unstoppable in his rage. Even for a member of Clan Brujah Sebastian was a force to be reckoned with when angry. A memory of the way Sebastian stomped his foot on the carpet when arguing bought a smile to Lamar's face. Something had to be done before the next attack occurred. If only they knew who was behind the attacks, if only they knew why? Lamar, Ventrue Prince of the City, called his aides together to discuss a solution.

"I've failed you Prince, I should be beaten and beaten again till I am very sorry," whispered Sebastian to Lamar.

Lamar shook his head and waved for his bodyguard to sit. "Plenty of time for that later on, dear, now we need to concentrate on the matters ahead."

Turning back to the crowd Lamar gave Sebastian's hand a final pat then stood to take the meeting to order. "After the last attack my bodyguard and I have come to a decision. With the next meeting of the regional Camarilla just weeks away we can not be endangered or badly hurt. I must be there to discuss the latest Sabbat outrages and Sebastian must be there at my side. As such we have decided upon a plan of action. We must be seen in public - the foul fiend responsible for these murderous assaults must not know they have us concerned. We must be seen to ignore the attacks, laugh at them with our hands in our pockets unafraid of anything. Such an action would be sure to bring forth another foul deed upon myself and the darling Sebastian. As this must not be allowed to happen we won't be there at all."

He passed his eyes over the councillors before continuing. "This is the clever bit: we'll use stunt doubles to masquerade as Sebastian and I while we both hide away somewhere safe. If the assassin succeeds in killing the doubles we have lost nothing and the assassin may become complacent, allowing us to find them and have them hung for their crimes. If the assassin still fails, we'll we can attend the Accord as per normal and the doubles can be quietly paid off and ushered away. What we need to do is find someone with the ability to look and act like myself and Sebastian but at the same time be completely expendable and ignorant of the danger they are in. Do we know any such people?" Asked Lamar.

The Tremere Primogen cleared her throat and at Lamar's nod began to speak. "Actually, there is a certain someone who looks to be perfect for this role. All we need is the proper bait." Whispered the Primogen.

"Tell me more," replied Lamar with a slow grin.

Handel looked at the invitation once more. It seemed reasonable enough really, and certainly made a change for the Prince to ask him to Court. Usually he simply turned up when there was a dinner on and just enjoyed himself. It wasn't as if he was in the habit of passing through this port all that frequently, after all, and he was, sort of, a visting dignitary. Maybe for once they'd caught on to that ahead of time?

Presenting himself to the guard at the door Handel was taken immediately to the Prince's study. There on the coffee table was a generous tumbler of what Handel's well trained nose knew immediately to be very fine Rum. At the smile on the Prince's face Handel knew he wasn't going to like what was going to be said.

"Take a seat my good man, and please, don't stop from sampling the fine liquor sitting on the table. It's from my personal collection I'll have you know. Plenty more where that came from. Now, this is what I'd like you to consider," smiled Lamar as he gave Handel the edited version of what was discussed by the Prince's aides.

"So, you want me to disguise myself as you and carry on your normal duties because you and your man servant want a bit of a holiday? For doing this for a few weeks I get an owed Boon from you as well as a selection from your Rum collection. All I need do is make sure no-one knows of the replacement during or afterwards?" Asked Handel.

"That sounds a fair summary my good man. But there is one more point: as Sebastian is going with me on the holiday, as you called it, we'll be needing an additional person to act with you. Can you think of anyone of a suitable temperament and size to duplicate my muscular Sebastian?" Replied Lamar.

Handel blinked a few times to clear the hint of unmanliness in the Prince's description of Sebastian. There'd been talk that they were more than a little close but there was no need to be hit in the face with it. One should not be forced to brutally kill a Prince at a time like this, no matter how justified it may be. Handel grinned as he thought of a friend who fit the task at hand ideally.

"Let me deal with the details Lamar, I'm sure I know of someone that can be relied upon, at least for a little while."

The next day Handel and Mr Badger were sitting in the same study opposite Lamar and Sebastian. Every time Sebastian came closer than a metre to Mr Badger the room was filled with the sensation of tension, tension one trigger away from a very brutal accident of the bloody chunks variety. Handel was trying to keep one eye on Badger at the same time as talking to the Prince and his bodyguard. This was starting to cause him a headache.

"Both Malkavians are we? Jolly good, have nothing against Clan Malkavian myself. Others may talk about them as if of dogs needing a firm hand and a strong leash, but I'm certain with two such trustworthy fellows as yourselves we'll have nothing to fear. Jolly handy that Obfuscate ability you chaps have. Just the ticket for the disguises we'll need you to wear. Couldn't try it out for us could you? Let dear Sebastian and I see how well you'll appear to the others?" Asked Lamar as he held the hand of his bodyguard.

Handel nodded once and stood up. Before Handel was fully standing his image wavered for a split second, then before the Prince's eyes stood himself, as if there was a sheet of mirrored glass between the pair, one the image and the other the original. The Prince clapped his hands together in glee. Grinning at Handel and patting him on the shoulder Lamar turned towards Mr Badger and looked at him like an eager puppy outside a butcher's window.

Mr Badger swore quietly and got to his feet. Having been glaring at Sebastian most of the night in a blind fury Mr Badger was more than familiar with the other man's distasteful appearance. The transformation took far longer than Handel's. In fact it appeared for a minute as if the image of Mr Badger was having a great deal of trouble with its vertical and horizontal hold functions. In a matter of minutes rather than seconds it was done. In front of Lamar and Sebastian stood a pair of exact duplicates, down to the clothes they were wearing.

All four sitting down again they discussed the finer details. "Now, you will both have to make a number of public appearances. While in the public eye please be careful what you say or do. It's obvious that you could never match my breeding and charisma, a shocking shame as you two both just look so handsome looking like that, so you'll both have to keep the talking to a minium. I'm so happy we can trust the pair of you. Imagine the horror at leaving the guidance of the city in the hands of a Sabbat spy, for instance? Shocking to say the least!" Grinned Lamar.

"Yes, that would be such a travesty. Just as well we're here to make sure that couldn't happen, pah!" Muttered Mr Badger.

Handel took the opportunity to elbow Badger in the ribs to stop him from ruining what looked to be a great deal of fun in the making.

"Nasty cough you have there old man? Hope all is well with you, Sebastian here is in the finest health after all. You'll have to try a little harder if you're to be as strong and handsome as dear old Sebastian. Now, our plane leaves very shortly and we have so much packing to do. I hope you two are ready to start as we just can't wait any longer. Ta, ta, we'll see you two in a couple of weeks." Replied Lamar. With that the smouldering Sebastian and Lamar left hand in hand.

Mr Badger looked at Handel and rolled his eyes. The fun was about to begin.

Plush leatherbound seats creaked in alarm beneath the weight of the two vampires. Slouching back in a manner hardly befitting a Ventrue Prince and his bodyguard, the two disguised Malkavians looked around the interior of the limousine, frutlessly, as it turned out.

"Well, bollocks," swore Handel, holding one of the empty decanters in a hand that threatened to crush it to fine powder at any moment. "What's the point of having these here with no booze in them?" When no response came to his ears he directed his attention to where Badger was sifting through the palatial vehicle's CD multiplayer, a growing expression of horror on his borrowed features.

"I can't find anything but Kenny G, love song compilations and ... eurgh... Bee Gees," he finished with a snarl. "Oh, there some classical stuff too."

A brief moment occurred where the pair sized each other up. Neither had any problems with much of classical music, but realised that other than the 'Flight of the Valkyries' and, perhaps, the 'William Tell Overture', admitting this would quite possibly not be counted as manly. Since they were both wearing the seemings of distinctly questionable fellows, each decided to take the safest course.

"Damn, no sounds," said Badger quickly, trying to cover up his pause.

"And no drinking either," followed up Handel just as swiftly, and for the same reason.

"There are gonna have to be some changes around here pretty damn fast," exclaimed Badger, brows furrowing.

"Too right," replied Handel. Pressing the intercom, he modulated his tones to those of Lamar and gave instructions to drive to an all night mall. "Damn," he said, releasing the button, "it hurts to speak like that. I keep wanting to punch myself."

"I know what you mean." Mr Badger nodded, lips curling in a sneer at the form he himself wore. "Maybe we'd better read up on our new selves before we get to the bevvies, eh?"

They pulled out the large, pastel coloured folders they'd been given and flipped through them, occasionally cursing, laughing or making noises of disgust.

"Danielle, the Toreador Primogen, has been out of town for a month, and is thus not privy to the place shift. She is a very close friend to Prince Lamar and spends a great deal of time with him. If it was not for the Prince's proclivities..." Badger trailed off, and looked over at Handel as he showed the picture. "Quite the looker. You never know your luck. It says here that she 'harbours unrequited desires' for Mr Princey boy."

"Really?" Handel grinned in a predatorial manner that didn't quite come across right with the face he was wearing before turning to the files before him. "Well, it appears that 'dear' Sebastian's nearest and dearest - other than his 'beloved' Prince - is his personal trainer, aromatherapist, hypnotherapist and professional psychologist, a Dr Randolph Higgins; known affectionately as 'Dr Randy'." The picture he showed to Badger was of an older man dressed in what could at best be described as garish and revealing garments. "Apparently Sebastian has some traumas he needs talked through to gain his full potency as a person."

"Bugger that," said Badger, his voice strained with self control and claws slicing deep into the seat beside him.

"Oh, I assume we're not expected to go that far," replied Handel, a look of disgust crossing his features.

Grand black ironwork gates opened before the car needed to slow, and it continued up the sweeping driveway, lantern shaped lights shining on either side towards the looming building. The country estate of Prince Lamar was based around an imposing edifice reminiscent of the stately homes of England. Ivy covered trelliswork covered a large proportion of the stone frontage and playfully impish statuettes poked their heads out on cornices and ledges.

Stepping out of the car before the chauffeur had had a chance to open the door, Handel surveyed the scene. Behind him a fountain with Cupid as the centrepiece trickled merrily away, while in front of him rose the broad steps leading to the front door. Arrayed on the steps was a collection of house servants, Kindred and Ghoul it seemed, waiting to welcome their Master back to his retreat. A crushing noise sounded as Badger exited the vehicle, squashed and threw an empty can back into the now messy interior and came to stand beside Handel.

"Quite a welcome," he murmered in a waft of fumes.

"You're telling me," whispered Handel, beer on his breath also. "Here's the plan. We get inside without lolling from side to side too much and then find the drinks cabinet and/or the wine cellar."

"Sure. Oh, just a sec. I'll check something first." Raising his voice as they moved forward, Mr Badger called out one of the names that he, surprisingly, remembered from the earlier skim through the files. A large, matronly looking woman approached and talked briefly with Mr Bader, looking a little surprised, but quite happily bussled into the house after a few more words were passed.

The pair continued walking the gauntlet of servants, nodding vaguely to people, and made it inside without showing off their alcoholised state too dramatically. Without further ado they retired the study and began to divest several bottles of spirits of their contents, pausing only to devour the curries that Badger had thoughtfully asked the cook to make for them.

"I could certainly get used to this," said Handel muzzily, absently scratching at his beard in the drunken certainty that there was something edible trapped within it.

"Mmf," replied Badger, face down on the luxuriant carpet and quite possibly attempting to Meld with it in some instinctual need to escape the approaching sun.

"Yep, you're probably right. It is about that time."

Together they managed to climb the stairs, which seemed to compare to scaling Everest in their present states, and found their bedrooms. Each forgot to lock their doors in case of intruders catching them unmasked whilst in slumber, but the toxic gases produced from the mixture of curry, stout and other liquids made it impossible for living creatures to exist in the rooms anyway.

Evening arrived, and with it a tremendous thirst. After several pitchers of blood it seemed that unlife was indeed worth living, and the false Prince and bodyguard started to pay attention to other things around them.

"We're due where?" Handel looked at the servant in irritation.

"The Lady Danielle's welcome home party," replied the uncertain servant. "Surely you remember? It's the highlight of this month's social calendar!"

"Oh yes. Certainly," replied Handel dryly. He exchanged exasperated glances with Badger as they were both taken off to be shown their attire for the evening.

Before long the two met at the top of the stairs, each made out in full accoutrement - black suits covered with sweeping cloaks, white scarves around necks, stylish canes with silver heads and top hats brushed to a high gleam.

Badger grinned at Handel. "Do we look like we're on the pull, or what?"

"Could be," chuckled Handel. "Pity that this is an all vamp do. There won't be any... extra consumables to make it a truly memorable event."

"There will be lots of Torries though, I suppose," mentioned Badger as they strode down the stairs, heading for the limo. There was a horrible crackling noise as he clenched his fists.

"Yep. But we're suppose to be quiet and just be seen." Handel looked over at Badger and realised how unlikely it was that this was actually going to occur. The man couldn't keep quiet if his tongue had been removed by the roots.

Mr Badger waited for Handel to enter the limo, as a bodyguard should, and considered what spending a night without a semi constant supply of alcohol would do to his friend. Drinking in front of the collected Torries would not really be an option... and that was not really an option either. He wouldn't mind a drink himself, either.

The car pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the town, speeding along the country roads. Behind it, unseen, followed an even darker vehicle, sleek as a barracuda. From within the flat eyes of killers watched the Prince's limousine wend its way towards the Toreador Primogen's mansion, then suddenly alter course and head down to the waterfront area, where it stopped and disgorged the Prince and his bodyguard, Sebastian. In confusion they looked at one another, then shrugged, considering the grimy bar/restaurant a far easier place to send the two to the final death from than a heavily guarded mansion.

Inside, the smell of fish and raw alcohol mixed with that of the various rough looking types who were now looking in amazement at the overdressed pair entering. The owner, knowing cash when he saw it, showed the two over to his finest table and took their orders, blinking at the quantity of liquor that they requested, then rushing back with it at the sight of the bills they thrust into his groping hands.

"Yep. This is much better. There could have been problems with the Torries using the Sight on our Masks too, anyway."

"Sounds as good an excuse as any," replied Badger with a chuckle. "We might even get in a fight if we're lucky. I know I'd beat the shit out of anyone looking like we do at the moment." Highly trained, he had caught sight of those trailing them long before the city's limits had been reached.

"Never can tell," smirked Handel behind his glass, watching the group of Kindred foes taking up positions outside all the exits with his Auspex.

They both laughed, much to the surprise of the man bringing them their collection of deep fried mussels and other seafood.

"Do you think we'll have time for any of this?" Badger gestured to the heaping plates.

"Enough for a brief entree, anyway, Sebastian," Handel mockingly used Lamar's voice, loud enough to carry to the door. "Oh no, I do believe that the main course has just entered."

"Why so it has, Lamar." Badger half turned in his chair to sneer at the three vampires approaching them. He gestured politely, feral grin sitting strangely on the dandified Brujah's face. "Shall we?"

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